Daughter

Mala Tempora Currunt Chapter 1

              Mala Tempora Currunt
                        1

It was the night after my daughter died. My wife and I

were sitting at home in complete silence not know what

to say to each other. Hell I’m not even sure I knew

what to think, I mean was that really my little girl,

and who would do that to her I mean it looked like

something out of the sci-fi channel. What in the world

could do that to a little girl? What could take bites

out of her without leaving any evidence or anything, I

mean the bite marks should have been recognizable, but

no one could come up anything that could have done it.

The detective was saying that it could have been a new

breed of psychopath, but he isn’t even sure… now isn’t

that a good sign, when the detectives can’t even begin

to think what it really is. The police said that I

should look through Sharon’s stuff but I wasn’t feeling

up to it today, you know how people who have had

tragedies like this say that sometimes the reality of

the whole thing doesn’t set in for a while and when it

happens it is overwhelming, well I think I am an odd

one because I realized the reality of the whole thing…

yes I was and am walking around like a zombie yes I was

and am horribly depressed but all in all I know what

happened and I know my daughter is dead and that who or

what ever killed her is still out there. No I am not

trying to change the direction of my grief it is just

the reality of the situation… I bet that sounds

horribly cold hearted of me but that’s the way of it.

Through all of my life things have happened and the

only way I have learned to deal with them is to see the

reality and only that because anything and everything

else will do nothing but rip you up from the inside

out.


         I couldn’t take the silence anymore so I had to

do or say something and seeing my wife was like a coma

victim not being able to cry anymore tears I had to get

up and move about, anything to keep myself busy, see I

told I was grieving, so I went to the kitchen and got

my wife a nice cold glass of water to try and bring her

out of it a little, I think the fact that our daughter

died isn’t the worst of it for her, when I saw the body

she came through the door sure it wasn’t out Sharon,

but I already knew and as I tried to turn around to

stop her she dropped to her knees screaming, I really

think what’s eating her up is the sci-fi like way our

daughter looked, all ghostly pale dark red lips still

caring her favorite lipstick her black hair draped over

her shoulder dangling into this scarlet color, it

draped right down into the gigantic hole where the

flesh had been torn away, all I can see when I think

about that whole think isn’t my wife or anything else

in the room except for Sharon. She was right there in

front of me, her face looked so peaceful, she looked

like she had no cares in the world, then I went to

touch her face and it was cold oh so very cold so cold

it actually made me jump, and from that my hand brushed

against that hole laying their just above her left

breast, and my hand came away stained red, now thinking

about it all I can hear in the back of my mind is my

11th grade English teacher quoting Macbeth “Out damn

spot”  all because I could still feel the blood on my

hand, no matter how much I washed my hand. Returning

back to my wife with the water I tried to push these

thoughts out of my head and decided the only way I was

going to get over this was to physically accept she was

dead and go through her stuff and try to find something

that might be able to help the police. Still nothing

said between us, she took the water and we made eye

contact for just a second and her eyes killed me they

were gazed over in disbelief and pain, it was all I

could do to not break down right there and then and

start wailing like a baby.


         I left the living room to go up stairs to

Sharon’s room and see what I could find. It was exactly

like it was 2 nights ago when I last saw her alive,

nothing was out of place she was always so neat and

organized. She had been sitting at her computer when I

had last seen her, sitting their and chatting with some

of her friends. After seeing all those damn warnings in

the news about e-stalkers and such I figured that would

be as good of a place as any to start. I turned on the

computer and sat in her chair, she had pictures of last

years family vacation on her desk, we went to Disney

World and some beaches in Florida, we strayed at a

middle class motel for about 4 days and we all loved

every minute of it, except for the humidity, being from

Maine I was not used to the good ol Floridian weather.

Thinking about those 4 days broke me I sat there in her

room and wailed all of it came out I sat there for a

good long time letting it all out and kept thanking

myself for not being downstairs right now, I just

didn’t think I could take my wife crying right now.

When I finally regained control over myself I started

looking at her chat history… and that’s when I heard

the glass shattering, so I got up and ran down stairs

to see if Janet was ok, as I was running down the

stairs I could feel that ominous feeling creeping up my

spine and I could hear the sound of the crystal

splinters raining down onto the floor, it all seemed to

be happing in slow motion, when I finally got there I

found I was holding by breath and was getting light

headed, my fears were all suddenly validated, I prayed

for it to be a dream and that could wake up from this

nightmare, but I didn’t I came to a sliding halt on my

knees directly in front her sliding over the glass

slicing my knees I didn’t care though all I cared about

was her, only her she was all I had left, I couldn’t

loose her, I needed her, all I could see was blood,

blood everywhere she had cut her wrists without a

scream or anything, I couldn’t loose her I just needed

to save her I needed her that’s all I just needed her…

I tried to put pressure on her wrists and all she did

was say that she loved me and then…….


“That’s enough for today John. You did well today I

think we got a lot out today, I could see you reacting

to your emotions verses bottling them all up and

fighting to ignore them. Do you want to come back

tomorrow and continue?”


Yah Doc I would. I don’t know how this will help me

cause it hurts like hell but if I don’t do it I will

loose my job and well I guess now that I have told you

all that I bet you can guess that that is all I have

left now.


         Have you ever had one of those moments where

your life seems like a joke, and the only reason nobody

kicks your ass to the curb is because of them feeling

sorry for you, I for one hate people being sorry for me

but I guess it beets the hell out of the alternative,

loosing my job, and my house the last thing I have,

that has memories with Sharon and my wife in them. Well

I guess at least the doc gets something out this a

bunch of departmental money, well hey I guess I can

look onto the bright side of this and say at least I

don’t have to pay to see a shrink.


         My days have been long blurry moments that

flash before my eyes since Sharon and my Wife died, I

think it’s the fact that I try to live my life as far

away from that fact as I can, but I always know its

there, I just don’t know what to do with all the pain

and the guilt of there deaths it feels like I should be

doing more to help them even avenge them and epees my

personal demons in the process. I know like I said to

the doc earlier I’m not planning on turning into this

gun ho macho man mad man out for revenge or anything

but I would love to find the guy if you can even call

him a guy… WELL lets change this thought process shall

we or I really will have to start seeing a psychiatrist

while I live in a padded room, and after all this

that’s happened I don’t think I will hold up to well in

a room like that.

         Walking to the end of the hall I began to daze

out again, I could feel my brain slowly melting away

into a comatose state, I always hated when it started

to do this because it gave me a euphoric feeling, kinda

made my whole life feel like a daydream sometimes I

could snap out of it in a few minutes sometimes it was

days before I snapped out of it. I think that is why

the office put me behind a desk and sent me to see the

therapist. When I finally got outside the effects of

the euphoria had a complete hold on me, but still had

all my senses, its kind of weird how reality gets hazy

but all my senses get heightened, it was one of those

days where the air was that really hot muggy, hard to

breath type of air, not to mention the fact that the

good ol Bangor smog. It was defiantly one of those days

you could feel the wait of the world on your shoulders,

looking at the road I could see the heat billowing in

blurry waves off the tar, I think if I had in egg I

could fry it today. It just felt like today was going

to be a hell of a day, I didn’t think anything would go

right, I for once was thankful for the fact that my

mind tried to protect me from reality, today I was

going to take full advantage of it.