Down the Rabbit Hole

Bittersweet

I've started this blog fourteen times. Two times I actually erased it and signed off only to sign back on again. That's the whole point, not to give up. Not to give into the temptation..my eyes ache and my stomach is still in knots and curling up and going to sleep really does seem like the most appealing option but...if I do that, then I give up. So instead, I rummage in the dark of my office for the power chord to my laptop, pull on a sweater and lock the dog in his crate. Its too late to edit. Its too late to start something new so instead, I can just free write. I can fill this little white block with all my most current pain and anguish and I can pat myself on the back for not quitting.

Its hard when you don't know what to say. You stand on the edge of that cliff and you mumble the things you think they want to hear and you hope, hope with every bleeding nerve that it takes things in the right direction. Then you get it wrong. Again.