The Undiscovered Country

The Heart Had Other Plans

We all must struggle day by day with the forces of good and evil. We face difficult choices, and the line between good and evil can be so thin or greyed out, we don’t find out until much later we took the wrong road. However, we learn in the process, so even bad choices can have their benefits.

Another struggle ensues inside us day by day: a constant fight between the heart and the head. Each one argues its point to get us to go one way or another. Again, we sometimes choose to listen to one and discover later we should have listened to the other.

My head wrote my 500th entry. My heart, however, had other plans, and it didn’t let me know until my mouse hovered over [Submit Entry].

I didn’t want to post it. Even though I stated otherwise, I didn’t want my journal to end. It’s been a home to me. I at first thought of it as watching a dear friend walk out my door for the last time, but then realized it’s more like me leaving the only home I’ve ever known for the last time.

It’s scary, but also sad. I could never go back once I made that single, final click. Switching it over was equally difficult.

I also intended to switch books on Sunday instead of Monday. I couldn’t and for two reasons: One is emotional, the other is selfish.

The emotional reason was again putting off walking out that door. I was comfortable there. I knew what to expect when I entered it almost every day. Now I don’t know what to expect. It took me a while to settle into my first one. Now I am starting over, and wonder how long it will take to get comfortable again.

The selfish reason is I wanted to give ample opportunity for people to leave comments. I will admit my disappointment that some who I wanted to comment didn’t. I don’t take it personal (much), because it was the weekend, and they had better things to do than make my little heart smile.

“Besides,” my head says, “it’s not as though they can’t come to this new residence to talk to me.”

“But,” my heart counters, “since I haven’t heard from some in such a long time, I worry I will never hear from them again. They won’t know I’ve moved.”

My head sighs. “It’s a part of life when people come and go. Their friends, family, and day-to-day lives take precedence over me. Besides, it’s not as though I didn’t give them my new address!”

So goes a typical conversation echoing in that space between my ears some would call a brain.

Still, my heart and head agree that even if my worries are justified (though often they’re not, and in this case, I believe they're not), I will learn to once again appreciate not what I’ve lost, but what I have and what I will gain.

And since I want to end on a happy note, I've baked lots of cookies (peanut butter and chocolate chip), stocked the fridge -- and the bar -- with plenty of beverages, so enjoy!