Second Helpings

Another Goodbye

Rarely do I plan a blog entry or have much idea what I’m going to write exactly, but I had actually made a few notes about what I would write today. However, an unexpected evening yesterday has caused me to cast aside the notes and think again. The topic however is on the same subject of this long and excruciating journey we are travelling with my son and his new wife, but I have no idea where this entry will lead.

Almost a year ago I waved my son goodbye at Heathrow airport with eyes full of tears and a heavy heart. I had no idea when or if I would ever see him again but wanted his travels to be full of rich experiences. I knew he would come back a changed man, but could never in a million years have anticipated the way it turned out.

Today, my husband is driving them again to Heathrow to fly back to Cambodia. I thought it better if I didn’t go as I’d find it too emotionally draining. Bad enough saying goodbye from here and having a million concerns and worries buzzing round my very bewildered and tired brain.

They will not return until November at the earliest, but as every plan they have made so far has not seen fruition, I won’t hold my breath. Part of me wonders if they’ll ever return. The Cambodian lifestyle certainly appeals to my son, despite the country’s many problems. The sun, the holiday resort where she originates, the laid back attitude of the people and the lack of pressure or work must seem idyllic. Oh, I know my son’s lazy alright; has been from the day he was born. Before even as he had to be forced into the world ten days late by Caesarean section.

But, I’m not sure about Mey Ling or what she will want for her future. I’m not sure of many things about her, but I think that’s understandable when you have a perfect stranger dropped into your home from a different culture. I have many, many concerns and much to say about this young lady and I know I must record as much as I can remember, for my own sanity and for if at any stage I get round to writing the full story of this bizarre event. Whether I write it in my blog or elsewhere remains to be seen, but anyone who wishes to read my thoughts just let me know and I’ll make sure wherever I write them, you’ll be allowed to share. This is a very personal family experience I know and am aware many would not want to tell it to the world, but I’ve found by sharing this load, particularly through writing and blogging friends, it has helped me enormously.

There is just so much and much more to come I’m sure, but no way I could ever put it in a single blog entry, so for now I’ll just sum up the last few days since the unpleasant turn of events a couple of weeks ago.

Paul has a lot to prove yet but after the family blow up, I think we’d have all been willing to calm down and thrash things out one way or another. I suspect, but may be wrong, Mey Ling told Paul she did not want to stay here any longer, so the next day they moved to my stepdaughter’s house. Not very convenient for her either, but I know she’s made them welcome, just as we did initially and for two weeks will not have witnessed what we have seen over the last three months.

Things have been fraught; there have been debates and discussions but no more mud slinging between us. My stepdaughter brought Mey Ling one day to fetch her things. She spoke to me admittedly but it was obvious she was not prepared to stay here. Now, if I’m upset I hardly know what I’m doing and would be likely to put the kettle in the fridge or go out wearing my clothes inside out. After she’d left I discovered a bag containing everything I’ve ever bought or given her and it’s a lot, believe me. Oh, but she did take the rice steamer – life without rice would result in instant death. To me, this speaks volumes, but it may not to others and there is part of me accepts this is her way, the culture differences are immense.

We have seen Paul quite often; he seems restless, secretive yet flippant but we have restored our relationship. Mey Ling we haven’t seen much of, but last night they came over for a goodbye barbecue with us. A couple Paul knows joined us too. Mey Ling and I talked and reached a certain understanding. Things seemed better to some extent, yet neither of them seemed relaxed or open. As they left Mey Ling had an unexpected emotional, outburst which resulted in her sobbing in my arms. My concerns for and about this young lady are so jumbled, so complicated and so numerous, but in that moment I felt my heart would break. In fact, it’s still breaking as I sit here knowing we have so much more ahead of us, the future is looking bleak and uncertain and I’ll be missing my son for the second time in ten months.

I’ll get by the only way I know how – by writing, by keeping busy, by being amongst friends and working out my tensions at the gym. Not to mention the cans of lager and bottles of vino, which I realise cancel out my exercise routine, but at this time I make no apologies for needing them. And you, my precious readers.