Someone to Love Me.

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven







Two painfully long weeks had passed and Catherine had been busy bringing her successor up to speed. Luke hadn’t consulted with her at all on the subject of the selection or anything else for that matter but she was sure that her choice was a good one.
         Susie was amiable and proficient, she was quick to pick up on what was required of her and as a bonus she was also young, shapely and very pretty. 
         If she was honest, Catherine really would have preferred to train a plump, fifty-something year old battleaxe with varicose veins and brogues but she didn’t want to be accused of favouritism! 
         The fact was that she was being eaten up by a large dose of jealousy and there was nothing she could do to alter things now even if she wanted too.  She needed to move on with her life and prepare for herself and her child’s future.  She had seen practically nothing of Luke over the last fortnight but she did know that he’d been spending much of his working day either out of the building or up on the top floor where it seemed he was using the boardroom as a temporary office. If he spoke to anyone it was to Susie. 
         Catherine sighed.  Deep down it hurt her that they were parting on bad terms but perhaps it was for the best.  A clean break healed quicker or so she was led to believe and if she tried very hard then maybe one day she would be able to put all of this behind her. 
         This was what she hoped for even though too many times in the past, her hopes had been shattered. It seemed that she was always going to be doomed to disappointment.  Was she ever going learn? 
         Catherine’s final day arrived at last and began as usual with the inevitable trip to the toilet bowl before leaving home.  At least she hadn’t been caught out at work or the gossipmongers would have a field day!  Hopefully another couple of months should see an end to the sickness. 
         She spent most of the morning going over important points with Susie, had her lunch alone in the park and then made her way back to her office for the last time.  She was making sure that any loose ends were tied up when the office door opened and Catherine found herself surrounded by many of her colleagues.  After opening a bottle of wine and sharing it round they presented her with cards, a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a crystal pendant and matching drop earrings.
         Hiding the wine behind some files until she could dispose of it discreetly after they had all gone she attempted to stem the tears that threatened.  As she looked round the room at she did not know what to say except to offer her sincere thanks, all the while wishing in her heart of hearts that she could share the news of her pregnancy with them.  A couple of people asked her which company she was moving to but she managed to glide over the subject without telling out and out lies.
         No one remarked on Luke’s absence and if she glanced around the room a time or two hoping to see his face, again no one seemed to notice.  She hadn’t expected him to be there and so she wasn’t disappointed when he didn’t turn up, was she?  If she said the words often enough then maybe even she would believe them. 
         She would have dearly loved one last sight of him to carry in her heart, to bring to mind whenever she was alone.  Still, if she couldn’t have the man then at least she would have his child to cherish and that, she thought sadly, would have to be enough for her.
              Eventually everyone made their way back to his or her work leaving Catherine to gather her belongings together for the last time before making her way out of the building.
         She didn’t notice Luke as he stood in the shadows and watched her leave, an indefinable look on his handsome face.
   
                                            ***

         Time was lying heavy on her hands even though Catherine was keeping herself as busy as she possibly could.  There really wasn’t much point seeking work, and anyway, Luke’s very real threat aside, who would want to employ a pregnant woman? 
         After the birth of her child would be time enough to think about it. She didn’t even know if she wanted to leave her baby in the care of a nanny while she returned to work.  Catherine had had her share of nurses and nannies in her own young life and she knew that it was the one thing she didn’t really want for her child.
         There was so much to think about.  With a child to raise she would need a larger apartment; she would be able to manage for a while with just one bedroom but eventually the baby would need a room of it’s own. 
         She supposed that she could turn her study into a nursery; it was one idea to contemplate and it would save her having to move home.  She also had to make an appointment with her doctor so that her pregnancy could be confirmed.  Not that she needed it.  She had her confirmation almost every morning as she leant over the toilet bowl and chucked up her breakfast. 
         Glad that she’d never smoked, Catherine had replaced the occasional glass of wine with mineral water and was making sure that she ate healthily. 
         Unfortunately sleep didn’t come as quite so easily and she spent most of her nights unable to free her mind from thoughts of Luke.  When she did eventually drop off to sleep she was tormented by dreams of him. 
         As well as losing their sparkle, the lack of sleep was leaving dark smudges under her tired eyes.
                In normal circumstances she would be enjoying the prospect of motherhood but these were not normal circumstances and instead, she was mocked by harsh images of Luke spilling his seed into her
and then calmly progressing to the next willing female. 
         The sight of him in the hotel bar with Claire clinging to his rugged body, of him leaving his office with her slavishly hanging on to his muscular arm or that last time Catherine had seen him when he taunted her with his kiss. They all came out to haunt her dreams night after night after night. She really must pull herself together.  Her baby was entitled to more in its life than a wretched, neurotic mother.
         By late August her morning sickness had almost stopped and would she thought hopefully, soon be a dim and distant memory. 
She hadn’t heard from Luke, not that she’d expected to but deep in her heart she thought that he could have got in touch with her if he had truly wanted to and that things might have been different if he’d known that she was carrying his child. 
         But no, it was for the best that he didn’t know.  She wouldn’t lower herself by confronting him with the results of that one passionate night especially when she knew that commitment was the last thing he wanted, the one thing that he wasn’t prepared to give.  And anyway she had her pride.  She didn’t want to be with someone who had no wish to be with her.
         She filled her days with her music and with reading as well as making plans for the birth of her child.  She was able to push thoughts of Luke to the back of her mind for hours at a time now although he still controlled her dreams.  Who was it said that time was the greatest healer?  They were wrong!
         A visit to her doctor confirmed that she could expect her ‘happy event’ the following February.  She still helped out at the local Music Society and they would soon be in rehearsal for this year’s Christmas Pantomime.  They were performing Puss-in-Boots and Catherine had to regretfully decline a major role in the production.  She really couldn’t visualise herself parading across the stage dressed as a cat, not when she would be seven months pregnant.  It’s a good job we’re not doing Cinderella, she thought, I’d probably end up as the pumpkin!
         If Catherine kept on telling herself that everything about her life was just great then to some extent that was true or at least it would be if she could just get Luke out of her mind for some of the time!           During the days she managed to keep herself reasonably busy but it was in the night that the demons came to taunt her with images of Luke and Claire and she would wake to a pillow damp from the tears she’d silently shed.
         Catherine had never had much contact with her associates from Bennett’s outside of the working environment and as she was highly unlikely to be out wining and dining on her own she was reasonably confident that she wouldn’t be meeting up with any of them by chance.  The last thing she wanted or needed, once her pregnancy really began to show, was for word of it to reach Luke.  He probably wouldn’t make the connection but she wasn’t prepared to take that chance. 
         Catherine seriously considered leaving the area but she didn’t feel able to cope with the stresses of moving home just yet.  It would be something to think about for later.  Once her child was born would be soon enough to look into it. 
         The following week found her sitting in the waiting room of the maternity unit at her local hospital along with a group of other mum’s to be, all in various stages of pregnancy.  She had passed her first trimester and was here to see the midwife for her regular check up and a scan. 
         It looked as though she was going to be waiting for a while so she leaned across and selected a magazine from the pile on a table in front of her.  It was one of the kinds that specialised in taking snapshots of celebrities out on the town. 
         Catherine casually thumbed her way through it and as she turned over a page she found herself gazing at an achingly familiar face.           The headline jumped out at her, ‘Bennett heir’s new amour?’
         A wave of despair swept over her.  How could she fail to recognise Luke; his face haunted her dreams at night and her days were filled with thoughts of him. 
         He wasn’t alone as he entered the swish restaurant; he was escorting Claire O’Donnell.  The story intimated that Luke and Claire were more than just friends and that perhaps good news was imminent.
         With an aching heart Catherine flipped to the front cover and looked for the date it was published.  There it was!  The same week that she’d handed in her notice.  Heartsick, she threw the magazine back onto the table.  In future she’d give them a miss and stick to fiction; surely it couldn’t hurt as much?
         Today she should be filled with joy because she was about to see a scan of the new life she was carrying but the magazine photo had stolen her happiness away and left a hollow empty feeling in it’s place.
         She went through the prenatal checks automatically and it was only when she saw her baby move on the monitor during the scan and heard its strong heartbeat that the tightness around her own heart began to ease.  An extraordinary feeling of love surged through her.  It wasn’t the kind of love that happened between a man and a woman but the special kind of love that almost every mother reserves only for her children. 
         She needed to share her pleasure with someone, but with whom?  The only one who truly mattered was the one person she couldn’t tell.
         She saw the midwife and after assurances that everything was progressing well she made her way back to the reception desk to arrange her next appointment.  The receptionist handed Catherine a scanned image of her baby and she looked lovingly at it.  It would be the first item for the scrapbook she intended to keep.  Tucking it safely into her purse she headed for home. 
         Her mind was filled with thoughts of the coming months and as she began to compose a list of requirements she realised that she could never have begun to imagine how much paraphernalia one small baby would need. 
         She wouldn’t go out and buy everything at once she decided.  It would be more fun to ration out the time spent looking for the things she needed.  Spreading it over the coming months would fill the hours as well as getting her out of the apartment. 
                She would also need some new clothes for herself once her breasts began to fill out and her waist began to thicken. 
         Meanwhile, now that the morning sickness had passed Catherine was starting to enjoy her pregnancy and her heart was filled with
happiness for the new life she carried.
         If she felt sad at all, it was because she would never share any of this with Luke.  She thought of him often because she had no choice, she carried a potent reminder of him wherever she went.  The feeling of loss was easing a little as it was slowly replaced with the joy of expectation. 
         The only black cloud on her horizon was James who since the day of her parent’s funeral had constantly called her asking if she'd made up her mind about marrying him.  She was getting tired of telling him that she had no intention of marrying him and was seriously thinking of changing her phone number and going ex-directory.  If he continued to harass her she would do it.  She had even considered calling the police because his persistence was beginning to frighten her. Her pregnancy was enough to contend with without James adding to her worries.
         Consciously pushing him from her mind she decided that her first baby shop would be tomorrow.  She would head for town, window shop for a while, do some serious spending, have lunch and then spend some more.  Maybe this was what she needed to give her existence a lift, some good old retail therapy!
         The day dawned clear and bright and she quickly showered and dressed. Wearing a strappy green sundress and sandals she was ready for her shopping spree in no time at all. Deciding not to hang about she picked up her bag and purse and after locking up set off to catch a bus into town. It was a lovely day and she and junior would enjoy the sunshine. 
         She window-shopped for quite a while before opting to buy some maternity slacks.  After much deliberation she settled on two pairs and then chose three casual tops to go with them.  She tried them on; with any luck they would mask her condition for a while yet.  She also looked at two dressy tops that she could wear in the evening over a long skirt when she went to her music society meetings. 
                By the time she’d tried them on for size and paid for all her other purchases it was time for lunch. 
         Catherine chose to eat at a small restaurant she’d often visited when she worked at Bennett’s.  She wasn’t worried about meeting up with anyone she knew as it wasn’t a place that her co-workers had usually frequented. 
         She was shown to a quiet corner table where she ordered a salad and a mineral water.  When it arrived she settled down to enjoy her meal. The other tables were filling up quite quickly now and she had almost finished eating when she saw Susie walk in. 
         Catherine held her breath as the waiter led Susie to where she sat.  It was obvious he was going to ask them to share the table and it was too late to do anything about it.
         Thinking quickly she kicked her store bag under her seat.  The ‘Mother’s Delight’ label was a dead give-away but she didn’t think Susie had noticed it.  In fact she seemed somewhat pre-occupied and Catherine thought that she hadn’t really noticed who she was going to be sharing a table with.
         “Hello Susie how’s everything going,” she greeted, trying for a nonchalance she didn’t really possess.
         “Catherine, hello, I didn’t realise it was you there for a minute.  I haven’t seen you in here before.”
         “I used to come here quite often when I worked at Bennett’s,” Catherine informed her, “and as I had the day off I thought I’d come and have lunch here.”  She crossed her fingers as she lied.
          “How are you enjoying working for Luke?” she asked as casually as she could manage whilst trying not to sound hungry for information.
         “Do you want the honest answer or the polite one?” Susie asked pulling a face.
         “I want the honest one of course.”  Oh dear Catherine thought, it sounded like Susie was having problems’
                “OK, well the truth is I hate it.  I don’t mean the work; I can cope with that but that man is impossible!”
         “Impossible!  Impossible in what way?”  Catherine was intrigued to find out more.
                “He is the moodiest man I have ever had the misfortune to work for.  I’m seriously considering a transfer to Outer Mongolia.”
         This was interesting.  She knew that Luke had a temper at times but Catherine had never found him moody.  Was he missing her?  Her hopes rose skywards.  Expressing feigned surprise she offered Susie a sympathetic ear.
         “That’s not all,” Susie continued, “he has Claire O’Donnell sharing my office at the moment while she completes some work connected with Bennett’s and her father’s business or that’s the story they’re using.  That girl is impossible.  No joking Catherine, I’m ready to commit murder.”
         If Catherine’s hopes had begun to soar, then this item of news had them plummeting back down to earth with a bump from the minute that Claire’s name was mentioned.
         Stupid!  Of course he wasn’t missing her.  With Claire O’Donnell nearby how could he be?  She hadn’t been able to compete with Claire in Ireland and there was no use thinking that she could now, especially in the condition she was in.  Boy was she was getting sick and fed up of always being an afterthought.
         Catherine decided that she’d had enough revelations for one day, it was time to go.  Commiserating with Susie she retrieved her shopping whilst managing to hide the label on the carry-bag.  Wishing her goodbye she headed to the counter to pay her bill. 
         She had thought that time would heal the wounds but after talking to Susie she realised that she’d only plastered over them; they were still there festering away under the surface. 
         In her haste to leave she didn’t realise that she’d dropped her baby’s scan as she was taking some notes from her purse to pay for the lunch.  Neither did the cashier until she’d left the restaurant.  He picked it up and realising that she seemed to know the woman she was sitting with he went over and spoke to her. 
         Susie was, to put it mildly, gob-smacked!  There was no doubt that the scan belonged to Catherine, it had her name and the date along the edge.  Doing some quick mental calculations Susie realised that she was around the three-month stage.  It seemed clear to her that Catherine must want to keep her pregnancy a secret or surely she would have mentioned it.  She wondered if Catherine would notice that the scan was missing. 
         Could this be the reason she had left Bennett’s Susie wondered? 
She realised that in the few weeks they’d worked together Catherine
had never actually mentioned anything about a new job, she had in fact skipped neatly around the subject each time it came up. 
         Luke had never said anything either!  How strange!
         Her mind was busy putting two and two together and they were definitely adding up to four, especially when you took a very moody Luke and added that to the trip to Ireland plus the date on the scan and then Catherine’s sudden resignation.  It was certainly an explosive mixture she realised as she sat there deliberating what to do.
         Did Luke know?  She doubted it; he didn’t seem the kind of man who would intentionally shirk his responsibilities, assuming that he was responsible of course and at the moment all the evidence seemed to point that way.  What about Claire?  Where did she fit into the scheme of things Susie wondered?
         What should she do?  Should she post the scan to Catherine?  Her address would still be on file.  Susie would want it back if it were hers.  Should she broach the subject with Luke and risk his anger or should she toss the scan in the bin and forget she’d ever seen it.  She popped it into her purse for the time being.  She’d think carefully about it before she made any hasty decisions.  She finished her lunch and hurried back to work.