Down the Rabbit Hole

Disturbed

I took a few extra minutes getting to work this morning and passed through the local seaside college campus near the office. It has a nice wide road that passes parallel to the coast. You can park along that road and make your way to the brick walking path that travels along the cliff side and up to the lighthouse at the far end of campus. The path is marked at intervals by stone benches and massive pieces of garden sculpture. Its long been one of my favorite places, one of those spaces in the world where I take myself to think and to heal. Today the bitter winter weather kept me inside the car. I sat, wrapped in my winter coat, belted in and watched the restless ocean. It was a dark and dirty navy blue, punctuated by white caps. The bay was largely deserted except for a small lobster boat laboring amid the chop, belching dark smoke.

In the summer months, when I afforded myself far more free time, I used to come here with my books and my blanket. I'd pass my lunch hour reading in the sun, often falling easily into conversations with fellow strangers out enjoying the same sun and sea air. I've met lovers here, passing lazy hours in long summer afternoons strolling arm in arm, or sitting like bookends and basking in the view. I've even taken my dogs Kacee and Turk here for walks when the Fall was bright and beaconing.

Most often though, my visits have been more solitary. I know the walking path by heart, all the places where the marine vegetation thins enough to reveal rocky trails you can follow out onto the rock shelf and the water's edge. I've memorized the cool stone curves of the sculptures and Gothic peaks of the impressive stone mansion where all the college's administrative functions are housed. I've sat for hours on the edge of the cliff, looking out at the bay, losing myself. There have been countless times when I had fled to this place, seeking solace and comfort in the sweeping green landscape and the rolling ocean beyond. Its the kind of place you can be along many, and never feel the crush of the crowd. There are spaces here you can make uniquely your own and they wait patiently for you when you need to seek their sanctuary.

This morning I did not have the time my heart needed. I pressed on, driving through and out of the campus burdened by a sudden and fierce longing for summer.