Despertar

the sun's way of thinking

I guess what you're trying to say is that I turn people into solipsists.

It's completely true. I don't know how to live a life that doesn't orbit around someone else, and I approach the task with a lot of zeal.

Justin's birthday is in five days. He didn't buy me a birthday present, but I'm already thinking about his. I gave him a Christmas present, too. Nothing really fancy: two candles, two boxes of Rice A Roni, condoms. I just wanted him to know he was one of the people I thought about when I went shopping.

That's how it was with Marcus, too. Anything I could do to make life easier for him, I did, usually at my own expense. There was no martyrdom about it; I genuinely always thought it was going to benefit me in the end.

I'm guessing this is how other people feel about God. You fill your thoughts with this Entity, you pour your time and treasures into pleasing Him, you ignore the utter absence of a tangible reward and make yourself believe something good will come of it,eventually.

Something has to change. I put an expiration date already, but now I don't know if I can wait even that long.