The Undiscovered Country

A Matter of Survival?

I hate when I have something to say, but every time I write something down, it's so terrible I have to delete it.

It's a thought I can't put into the proper words to be understood.

Darn it.

I will instead keep it simple, down to a sentence or two. I'll try anyway. Let's see if I'll succeed, shall we?

With regard to my last entry, susanL was absolutely correct that I need to take time for myself. I'm no good to Thomas (or anyone else for that matter) being frustrated and stressed.

It's almost as if mothers (and fathers, too, I suspect) are hardwired to think we'll never do well enough for our children. Dave and I discussed this and determined it's a survival mechanism to make sure our children - so helpless for a time - grow up and thrive long after they leave and raise families of their own.

We shouldn't then be surprised when guilt follows close behind the need to be a constant presence to our children. The guilt we can control, which I'm attempting to do on a daily and even hourly basis sometimes.

I told a friend the other day I'm glad Thomas won't remember my initial ineptitude as a parent - well the first 18 months or so of it anyway. After that, I'm hoping to have learned a few things, and he won't hate me and think me a complete idiot until he's at least 18 and out of the house .

Well, that's more than a sentence or two, but this time I'm happy with the results.

Happy Hump Day - what's left of it.