90 days of unselfishly loving my wife

Sexual feelings, uh oh

It is day 3 and I am already obsessing about sex.  Actually, I am obsessing about my motives in regards to sex.  Since my goal is to be unselfish, I am having to make some changes in my approach.  For instance, on the morning of day one - prior to my poem and later date - I woke my wife up with a back and neck massage.  In my mind, it was day one of my quest to love her radically.  In her mind, I was waking her up with a massage which would probably signal to her that I was on the prowl.  I was not, yet.  I was staying focused on just a back and neck massage only and that is how it ended.  On her end, she handled it perfectly.  No questioning look of is this going any further.  No remark that she was not in the mood.  I just rubbed her back and we talked about the upcoming day.  So I still have not been tested with a smart remark or disagreement, yet. 

Around dinner of day two, I just stopped my wife and gave her a nice, long kiss for no reason and she smiled with a sort of questioning look.  Again, normally I think she would be thinking that I am possibly trying to set up a late night rendezvous - but again that night, I did not make a move.  So there have been two small instances that have not led to sex.  Women could be thinking, big deal, it is just a kiss and a back rub.  I agree.  But to us guys, a kiss and a back rub is like two hot sticks being rubbed together - we are hoping for some sparks that will lead to a fire.  Instead of being impressed with my three days of holding out, I have a confession.  The night of the back rub or you could look at it as the night prior to the long kiss - we did make love.  After the poem and date, which went over blissfully, so did the time afterward.  I am obsessing because I made the first move that night.  After a few minutes of kissing and such, she was right there in the flow.  But, thinking unselfishly and possibly over analyzing it, she may not have been ready at the very beginning - prior to me making my move and/or in the very, very beginning.  So I may have failed already at loving my wife unselfishly or is it possible for me to make the first move.  It is a fine line, as, of course she wants me to desire her and be in awe of her beauty and to need her.  But if she is tired and all these years of marriage was wearing her down (I have been only loving her for one day for goodness sakes - just kidding) maybe I put myself and my needs in front of hers.  It was a great day and a great ending but the only way for me to know would be to ask her.  And then try to interpret her answer if it is favorable to see if she is just protecting me.  I will let you know the answer in my next update.