Second Helpings

Positive Habits

Negativity is hard to cast aside with daily dealings in La La Land, phone calls and form filling to complete regarding support there, foul weather and bad dreams resulting in waking too early riddled with anxiety. Reluctantly, I agreed to see a doctor at my own surgery, more for advice on getting things moving on the help front rather than my own emotional state.

Being greeted by the most positive doctor on the planet didn't go down too well with me. Oh, she assured me we ALL go through this stage; she'd had her two octogenerian parents for the whole weekend and it had almost driven her crazy. Yeah, and I bet she waved them goodbye and probably won't see them again for another six months.

People are living longer she informed me, as if I hadn't noticed, with a huge grin on her face, so we end up looking after our parents and just have to get on with it. Yeah, and does your Mum have severe dementia, forget to eat and need washing and cleaning up every day?

Everyone of our age have their parents to look after and does it really matter if they live haphazard lives and are a little grubby, as long as they are happy, she prattles on in her flippant manner. Yeah? None of my friends have a parent between them and my parents have never done happy as long as I can remember. And there's a big difference between being grubby and...well, I'll spare you the details

So, she continues, smirking like a demented hyena, try to look on the bright side. You have a grandchild on the way and that must balance things out a bit surely? My children and grandkids keep me going she announces, flashing me her best sickly smile. Yeah, you mean you actually have time to see them between parent caring? And how many of your kids are married to disabled Cambodians?

One day it will all be over she confides and then you'll feel guilty. Yeah, thanks for that; as if I needed reminding.

She offers me anti-depressants. I decline, reasoning I know exactly what is dragging me down and no pill is going to alter the facts. What I need is an understanding ear and someone professional to push for some action. I get more compassion and sound advice from my virtual friends on the internet.

I've always felt uncomfortable around people who always see the glass as half full and are always chirpy and upbeat. I guess I'm just jealous. But being aware you have tendencies towards being negative sometimes makes you strive harder to fight it off. So I won't end by berating myself for my lack of joie de vivre and bad habits, but rather focus on the good habits I wish I had.

I would love to be a more positive person, but not annoyingly so. To be sunny-natured and optimistic must be a very pleasant habit. I'd also like to be a morning person. Being in the habit of rising early before anyone else and watching the sun rise must be inspirational. But sadly I've always been an owl, not a lark and I don't believe it's possible to alter inherant behaviour.

I'd also like to be in the habit of winning the Lottery, spending evenings with Robbie Williams and inventing ways to grow younger instead of older, but for tonight this owl must find a place to roost. Tomorrow is another day as my heroine said and by gum, did she have a life of problems and tragedy, even if they were only fictitious.

So, what good habits would you like to develop? I shall try to rise early tomorrow morning to read the five thousand responses to that question.