Second Helpings

Faulty Plumbing

The bathroom suite in our house is actually older than I am. For years we've been waiting for white to go out of fashion as I've never wanted a white bathroom suite. However, it seems white is here to stay, so we've decided on the suite we want and hubby phoned our young plumber a while back, who promised to get back to us. He didn't.

I have my own personal theory as to the delay in him returning the call. The last time he came to our house was when we suspected a leak in the water tank in the loft. My sleep was being disturbed every night by the faint sound of water trickling down the wall.

The young plumber arrived to investigate one morning when hubby was out. I took him upstairs and into our bedroom so he could hear for himself. After a few minutes he announced he couldn't hear anything at all.

'Oh, it's much more noticeable if you lie down on the bed.' I replied.

Clang. Sometimes my brain and mouth just refuse to communicate properly. The poor chap's cheeks flushed, he hurriedly went up the loft and fixed the problem then left the premises faster than water round the U bend.

Today, as I was having my feet tickled by my ex boss and reflexologist John, the telephone rang. Being prostrate on his folding camp bed John said he'd answer the phone. I heard him say,

'No, I'm afraid he's not in at the moment. He's playing golf.'

Followed by,

'His wife's in but she's lying down and is in a compromising position at the moment.'

He returned to tell me it was the plumber. The cogs started grinding and I could only imagine what the poor young man must have thought of a strange man answering the phone and relaying such information. My God, he'll think I'm some sort of man-eating sex maniac who probably needs her pipes sealing and her mind pulling out the gutter.

Apparently, he said he'll ring again some time but I think it might be a while before he can pluck up the courage. In the meantime I just hope nothing goes wrong with the toilet and I have to phone him. Just the mere mention of faucet stems and ballcocks might just send him running for his blow torch as a means of protection.