Despertar

pre-leader warm-up

1. Who are you currently texting?
I just responded to Kai's text, in which she informed me that she's getting a new tattoo today. I assume I was supposed to sound interested and ask what she's getting, but I really don't care. I think she's going to regret some of those things. She probably already does, as she has broken up (rather painfully) with the person whose name is inked on her wrist.

2. Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Very. I love to talk about myself.

3. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
Back in the early stages of womanhood, when I wasn't used to premenstrual moodswings. Now, if I feel myself tearing up and it seems unwarranted, I just chalk it up to hormones.

4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
I don't want to jinx it by talking about it too much, but, for a few hours, at least, I was pretty happy when he asked me to the wedding. It really is a small thing, but, I don't know, I can't explain it. But that made me happy. I can't think of anything that would have made that day better than it was.

5. Where was your default Myspace picture taken?
I might be an internet community snob, but Myspace strikes me as incredibly trashy. A poor man's Facebook.


6. Do you really think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Meg has been pretty successful with hers. I think it really depends on the power dynamic in the relationship. I probably couldn't be in one, because my male-female dynamic takes two forms: the Marcus/Shannon and the Chris/Shannon. In the former, I'd be miserable all the time wondering whether, in my absence, and far away from my scrutiny, the other person was honoring our commitment. In the latter, I wouldn't like the relationship enough to respect it myself. Plus, I hate talking on the phone, especially that frustrated I-have-nothing-else-to-say feeling ten minutes into a conversation with someone who feels obligated to listen for some designated period of time.

7. What is your favorite color?
Green.

8. What do you do when you've had a bad day?
The same thing I do when I've had a decent day: delay falling asleep till i've found some way to make it better.

9. Have you ever visioned your own wedding?
Is that even a word? I guess, maybe. I can't really imagine being at the center of something all frilly when I don't even really like that kind of stuff. After I slept with Marcus for the first time, I had a whole thing of wondering whether I'd feel uncomfortable wearing a white dress. I spent, maybe, three hours beating myself up over that. That was about the extent of it.

10. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry?
It was Chris, and the last time I know of was about three weeks ago. I'm sure there's been a jag or two since then, though.

11. What does the seventh text in your inbox?
What does it what? What does it say? It says, "Just want to let you know how so very proud I am of you for earning this summer associate opportunity and your initiative pulling your law school experience together." From my dad, who, I imagine, heard from my mom that I don't like when he belittles my ability to take charge of my own life.

12. Did you have a good day today?
I did, actually. It was my last day here at the San Francisco office, so, kind of bittersweet, but the other interns and I went to lunch, which was nice, and Allison and I are a team. The big summit is in two weeks, and everyone is sort of in Christmas elf mode trying to pull things together before then. I'm leaving for the summit a week after I get home, so I don't have to miss the coworkers for too long.

13. Do you believe exes can be "just friends"?
I'm sure it's possible, but it probably takes forever. When Marcus calls, I always think twice before answering the phone because I can't decide whether an emotional relapse is worth whatever tiny, insignificant thing he's going to say. Also, it disgusts me that he hits on me.

14. What are you wearing on your feet?
White Old Navy flip-flops, chipped pink nail polish and a silver toe ring.

15. Last thing you said?
"Okay! Thanks!" To the IT guy who came over to check whether I'd gotten directory access, which I had, and then wouldn't walk away, just kept standing there, staring, while I waited awkwardly for him to leave so I could finish this survey.

16. Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?
Yes, in about four years, when I was sure I could be a decent parental figure. But only if the person I was dating were an exemplary father himself. I couldn't date anyone I didn't respect, and I don't respect men who are bad fathers. I once went out with a guy who had two children from a previous marriage, and constantly went on about how he wished they'd never been born so he could start his family from scratch with the "right" woman. I was completely turned off. A good father loves his kids more than anything.

17. When is the last time you were on a vacation?
This feels like a vacation.

18. Do you make your bed every day?
Not by a long shot.

19. Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?
No, I've done it four or five times, with mixed results. Twice it was a cautionary proclamation, a warning not to get any closer.

20. Do you use the internet or television more?
Since I discovered Hulu.com, I haven't turned on a TV set.

21. Who texted you last?
Chris.

22. How do you like your eggs?
Hard scrambled or fried.

23. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I don't remember when, but it was my mother, whose feelings get hurt often because I don't say it much. It's not that I don't love her, the admission is just too personal for me, or something. I can't, or won't, say it freely, anymore.

24. Hello Kitty or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry Shortcake, at the time. But, Orange Blossom. She was the black one.

25. What are your plans tonight?
They've already happened, mostly. I got my (expensive, painful) Brazilian wax, met up with coworkers for an oversold showing of The Dark Knight, thoroughly enjoyed myself for two hours, and am now settling into finishing this survey so I can then produce a (late) Leading entry.

26. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
I'm doing just that on Sunday. Mine is an age of transitions.

27. Have you ever done any acting on stage?
I was a member of the fairy chorus on our seventh-grade production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. That is, I was given the catchall part they tossed at everyone who wasn't good enough for the parts they actually wanted. The stage isn't my place, anyway.

28. Do you like being in pictures?
When they come out well, yes.

29. Do you cry easily?
Not anymore.

30. Have you ever been more attracted to a significant other's sibling?
Definitely not. One is borderline retarded and had a long, strange face; the other one is about one hundred pounds overweight and has no ambition. Neither one is as attractive as his sibling.

31. Where is your phone?
On the edge of the bed, plugged into the wall. I'm purposely ignoring it, because Chris keeps texting. He must be drunk.

32. Do you enjoy romance?
As a genre, it's just about my least favorite.

33. Missing question!
It was probably What are you going to write about for your Leading entry, and the answer is, of course, That's a secret.

34. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship?
I'm twenty-three years old and my first real romantic experience didn't happen till I was damn near twenty, so, if my arithmetic serves me...

35. What person in your family are you the most like?
My late grandfather.

36. Are you quick to start a fight?
No, I'm quick to do anything possible to diffuse one on the way.

37. Have you ever put anything other than cheese in your grilled cheese?
Tomatoes and onions. It was delicious.

38. What are you studying in school?
Law.

39. Do your parents really know YOU?
They know the parts of me they're comfortable with, yes. They could guess the rest, but in most cases I think they'd rather not.

40. Have you ever felt invincible?
Once, for about two hours last week.

41. Lyrics stuck in your head?
The song I had to sing for that God-forsaken play: "You spotted snakes with double-tongue, thorny hedgehogs be not seen, newts and blindworms do no wrong, come not near our fairy queen." Et cetera. I didn't want to be in it at all, but we had to for a grade.

42. Do you always get along with your siblings?
Most of the time I do these days. We fought like cats and dogs, growing up, mostly about stupid stuff. The last time we really fought as adults was when he bullied me in a way that was all too familiar and Marcusian, and I cried and he called me out on taking shit from a man who didn't deserve me and then taking it out on my family.

43. Missing question!
The truth is, I don't know what I'm going to write about, and I'm already going on four hours late. Which is embarrassing, now that I've been so crystal clear about the Writing.com time thing.

44. Do you feel like you've got some growing up to do?
Definitely. I don't even know how to sew on a button.

45. What did you do last night?
Ate, cleaned, slept. Minus the part in the middle.

46. Do you want to be king?
Alas, I lack a penis and a royal bloodline.

47. Are you tired?
Yeah, and getting into that irritable stage where I don't even really feel like getting up to brush my teeth.

48. How many more people do you think you'll kiss before you die?
If I had to guess, I'd say anywhere between twenty and thirty. But hopefully not that many.

49. Last time you walked farther than one block?
Every damn day for the last seven weeks.