Can we talk?

Irresponsible Parents

  A somewhat attractive woman with two kids, maybe 9 and 11, was speaking about motherhood in the store to a sales person. "I am not cooking every night or doing all that carpooling. I'm not ging to be the class sponsor, a PTA mom, or bake cookies or chaperone trips. I need a life."

    I said nothing, but I thought, "Why didn't you think about that before you got pregnant?" And who says you don't have a life if you have kids and a home? Some people would say that bringing up children, influencing their thoughts, and equiping them to cope successfully in a difficult world would be the ultimate achievement.

    So many mothers and fathers and step-parents are not going home after work, but are going out for a night on the town with their co-workers or other friends. They need "Daddy time" or "Mom's time". Whatever happened to parents who liked to be with their children? Parents who felt like it was their job to be role models, to train their children, and mold them into good citizens? It seems like the babysitter, nanny or the grandparents have been given that job, when it is carried out at all, and the parents don't really care how the kids turn out, as long as they don't get hurt or into trouble.

    Parents have to do far more than keep a child safe from harm, obey the laws, and provide physical needs of the child. They are to be the teachers of good manners, character, common sense, self-reliance (which includes cooking), budgeting, cleaning, respect for others, respect for the law, and coping with stress.

    Instead, we have parents who want the schools to do their job so they can be self-centered and self-absorbed. They want to pursue self-fulfillment and indulge personal whims. It seems that they want to remain young adults with its carefree privileges forever without growing up and taking on marital and parental roles.

    Garrison Keillor compares the present day to the time that he was growing up. He says the focus used to be on the children. Families were for children, helping them to be happy and to become productive citizens. Now the focus is on the parents. One result is multiple parents: Dad's second wife, Mom's new girlfriend, since the first girlfriend (the kids' "other" Mom) moved out.
   
    I think he must be right. I hear too many young parents talking; I see so many mixed up kids. I feel so sorry for them. At least until I run across some fresh mouthed teen who talks to adults with no respect.

    There are many good parents still around, but they're on the decline. Whenever I see well-behaved children in a restaurant, I always comment to the parents so that the kids can hear.There should be much positive reinforcement to parents who do a good job. Or when I see a mother or father giving wise counsel to a child or preteen, I find some way to commend them.

    On the other hand, the general public appears to be full of the reluctant parent, the self-indulgent parent, or worse, the over-indulgent parent who gives the child everything he or she needs or wants, except training and discipline.   

    These same parents will one day want these children to care for them when they are old or disabled. The nurturing they will get will be dependent on the nurturing they give now.