Second Helpings

Wii Shall Overcome

I've now completed over one hundred sessions on my Wii Fitness Suite. I have lost two pounds, gained a pound, lost a pound, gained two pounds and I suspect that scenario will go on ad infinitum. My Wii fitness age varies from seventy to twenty-five and I have yet to figure out the reasoning behind that little equation.

The problem is, as with any form of exercise and many other things in life, after a while it gets monotonous and boring. Okay, there are various forms of exercise and different levels of difficulty, but as I rarely reach the levels of Yoga Master/ Muscle Legend/ Roaring Fire/Professional it would seem unwise to venture into the realms of the more difficult levels. I do not want to spend my time aboard the Queen Mary in plaster casts.

You can also change trainers to relieve the monotony, but there is only one of each gender. I can't be doing with the female one; perfect figure, pert boobs. long limbs and a sickly sweet voice. So I stick with the male one who at least doesn't make me compare body shapes, has an attractive physique and a rather soothing, sexy voice.

I noticed after the new year he'd grown his hair and was looking rather hot. I do have a weakness for a good head of hair, whatever the colour. In fact, half way through the Sun Salutation we were performing together one evening, when he informed me my posture is fantastic and my form is beautiful too, I was contemplating giving him a name and including him in one of my erotic, kitchen fantasies.

But alas, today when I selected to share a session of muscle building exercises with him, his hair looked decidedly short again. Had he nipped off to the barbers in the night and asked for a grade two? Had he got wind of my plans to include him in a sensual adventure and gone into a panic?

As he demonstrated the exercise, he turned and it was then I noticed it. How could I possibly take any man seriously who has tied his hair back into a silly little ponytail? No, that's it, he's out of my daydreams and I think a session at the gym with the hunky young Charles may be in order rather than suffer another day of Wiiing.

Why can't we all be born with and maintain perfect bodies without the hell of diets, exercise and Nintendo inventions?