My Thoughts: when the mood strikes.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

         I am sorry to report that I am depressed --- the demands of my job are wearing on my mind and psyche.  I turned fifty this year, and I know I am perimenopausal --- expecting menopause to hit any day now.  My ability to cope with the stuggles of life has diminshed to the point that I am feeling overwhelmed most of the time.  If this is all life has to offer me, I'm not sure how much longer I can take it, fake it.  Just two days ago I told my boss I wished someone would find me "crazy" and disable me.  I'm on medications for both anxiety and depression, but nothing seems to be working.  Today was another most trying day.  I go to work because I feel I must meet the demands of each day; yet, while I am there and meeting those demands I'm extremely stressed.  It's too much!  They let three people go right after Christmas, and now my boss is totally dependent on me.  There is no one to help.  He expects me to do all of his "urgent" typing, transcription, answer his phones, schedule depositions and hearings on multiple files, prepare subpoenas and notices of deposition, requests for production, etc.  My temper has become shorter.  I am not smiling as much, and my brow seems furrowed most of the time.

         Pray for me, please.