My Thoughts: when the mood strikes.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Friday, April 3, 2009

         My heart bleeds from the loss of a friendship.

         When we determine to do or say something to alienate ourselves from a friend, we desecrate that friendship.  When we harbor ill-will, spoken and unspoken, a reflection in our eyes the window of our soul and harden our heart toward another, we plague ourself with discontentment, darkness. 

         The scriptures say that even a child is known by his doings.  How much more so an adult ?

         A friend has been chipping away at my heart for months through innuendo, words spoken and unspoken.  It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine. 

         Though hurting, each day, I determine to speak to her… in an effort to overcome the enmity.  My enemy is unresponsive and degenerate.  After so many days of silence and outright meanness, my heart openly aches.  Regrettably, I removed her from my “friends list.”

         I pray for her soul while resisting the urge to curse her as she reproaches me again and again.  Today, I verbalized, "I hate her."  God, forgive me.  I do not hate her, I hate her behavior.  Relief would soothe my tortured soul if I never saw her again.  Just her silent, heinous presence grieves my heart and soul.  I thought she was my friend, but my eyes were veiled. 

         I asked God, What can I do to make things right between us, restore friendship? 

         Nothing, for she is unwilling.