Down the Rabbit Hole

To Jaden

Hello little one. As you lie curled in my womb, beneath my heart, I wonder if you sense my sadness? If you do, know that it has nothing to do with you. Your father and I are so happy to meet you, so excited to hold you and gaze down at your beautiful face in wonder and awe. It is just that we are losing someone, very special and very dear. She is leaving us too early and it is hard, so hard not to be consumed by the grief of her fading. She had three little girls of her own and my heart aches for them, just as strongly as my heart beats for you. She will be gone before you join us, but we are giving you her name so that she may forever be a part of you. I will teach you about her, I will tell you about how strong she was and how she was filled with such love for everyone. She was so excited to meet you baby. I can feel you moving in there more and more each day and I know you are healthy and strong. Sometimes, in my deepest, darkest moment of grief and anger, I feel you kick me and I am reminded of all the beautiful promise soon to come. You move and the shadows shift. You move inside me and the anguish yields to wonderment, joy and happy anticipation. So if you sense my sadness, if you feel the darkness of my moods, hear my tears and feel my grief, know that it is not for you. Your very existance brings me hope and your birth will bring a special kind of light and love to a family that loves and needs you.