Mercy! Mercy! That Dang Nabed PERCY!

My Wife Linda, episode 3

My wife Linda, episode 3

After Linda and I got engaged I was at her parents and her mother told me the following story.

When I was a little girl I was staying with my grandparents and one night I heard arguing in the kitchen. I snuck to the door and peered in just in time to see my grandfather backhand poor sweet grandma. To make sure he’d made his point, he ordered her out to the barn to get him a glass of cold milk. Granny ran from the house holding her swollen eye and I followed. I wanted to say something consoling but in the barn she was ranting and saying some awful swear words, so I watched her from behind the stall.

She went over to the well and drew out the milk can and ladled out a glass, still carrying on with her tirade. Then she paused, looking up and spotted the bottle of strychnine, used to kill the rats. She dumped out some of the milk and poured in the poison and walked back into the house. That night grandpa died.

“Oh my Gawd!” I remember thinking… "What kind of family am I marrying into?” I looked over at Linda expecting her to be aghast but instead she was smiling. My mother-in-law continued… “Killed that no good SOB, she did….”, and clapped her hands in delight. My future wife smiled even broader….

"That’s one of Linda’s favorite stories…

Now Linda and I had two daughters and they are a couple of awesome, no nonsense girls. They raised five grandsons and both run a tight ship. They're very principled and each insisted that their fiancées ask for their hand in marriage.

So when that moment came… As their husbands to be shuffled their feet, cleared their throats and made the required request, I told them both the story that Linda's mom had related to me, those many years before. When I finished, each had a quizzical look like…. What’s the point to all this?"

"The reason I’m telling you this Eric (Tommy) is because even the best of marriages have their road bumps. Now pay attention…. This is extremely important….should you ever get in an argument with my daughter and she brings you a glass of milk….DON’T DRINK IT!”