Second Helpings

My Annual Bah

I’m convinced there’s more than one Humbug each year or if not, then they’re coming round faster. As usual I find myself marvelling about this season which starts earlier every year and seems to grow increasingly frenetic.

This year I find even more reasons to love the season of goodwill, including the following...

Several times a day I walk into my hall and discover an envelope on the doormat. Cards from people who have promised all year to get together and catch up. Come December they deem it essential to creep quietly to my door and push a greeting card through the letterbox as it saves them a stamp. Such is their love and friendship it means writing and delivering cards cheaply is more important than seeing people face to face. They’d be quite welcome to come inside for a drink, but they are far too busy with preparations for that. Generally they write in their cards that we must get together and catch up next year.

There appears to be a new trend with cards. It seems even schools are more involved in the ever increasing madness. It comes to something when a three-year-old comes home from nursery with a list of all the children in his class in order to avoid inequality. I notice supermarkets are cashing in on this by marketing packs of mini cards featuring the likes of Hello Kitty and Thomas the Tank Engine. Of course it’s all about profit as parents feel pressured to purchase the cards for their kids, and then have to waste time writing on them. I think my grandson is very bright, but not quite ready to write out and sign cards for all his little buddies at school.

I generally enjoy shopping apart from supermarkets, but come December I’ll avoid it as much as possible. Where do all these people come from all of a sudden and why aren’t they at work? All forms of public transport become overcrowded and uncomfortable, traffic jams stream out of every town and city and shops are chaotic with long queues at every counter. Do people never shop at any other time of year? The glut of goods and food in the shops is positively obscene, but it seems many must have it all. Not to mention the debt most folk will find themselves in all in the name of humbug. Come Boxing Day every expensive item we’ve purchased will no doubt be half price in the sales, but I plan on avoiding those too.

The constant reminders to cast care aside and all be jolly and bright niggle me more and more, particularly with circumstances of this last year. So many people are grieving, have family in hospital and upsetting memories from the past at this time of year. It just seems totally insensitive and over the top to expect everyone to walk around with a fixed grin of merriness. It may be a dark and gloomy time of year when we all need a little cheer, but I’d appreciate if it was more subdued, less in your face and for the right reasons.

I’ve mentioned the music before, but it still deserves a paragraph of its own. I can count the humbug songs I like on one hand, but even those become irritating after listening to them a million times. Okay, I can switch off the television and radio, but I swear every building or shop must own the same CD of songs, even if they are by different artists. It’s my idea of mental torture to be subjected to Frosty the Snowman, Mistletoe and Wine and the ultimate horror of I wish it could be Christmas Every Day everywhere I go for weeks on end. I inadvertently know every word of every song ever played during the season and the earworms that repeat them when I wake up in the night are enough to drive me even further round the bend. And why does no one bring out a brand new humbug song?

Okay, grump over. I’m quite used to being called Grinch, Scrooge, Humbugger and any other derogatory term you can think of, so feel free to go ahead. But admit it, it wouldn’t be humbug without a good old moan from me would it?