Second Helpings

Animal Protection

It’s been a frustrating time lately and much as I always say my family and friends often help me survive, just recently they seem to do nothing but persecute me. Let me give you a few examples.

First, there’s my sister and the giraffe. She’s quite compassionate and friendly around ducks and bears, but every time she visits she has to make some indelicate suggestions about my first toy who is now so disturbed by her rude comments he has to reside in a plant pot with only his head visible. It’s not his fault time has not been kind to him and left him torn, scarred, discoloured and deformed. You’d think my sister would be more sympathetic with the elderly, but no, it has now reached the point where Rubber the giraffe has to hide completely when she visits for fear of being deposited in the dustbin.

Rubber, before he was forced into hiding.

I will concede my sister was kind enough to buy me a new bear after I’d fallen in love with him and his appearances in a certain television advertisement. Clarence or Bird’s Eye as I prefer to call him has quite a cult following I gather, so I feel honoured and proud to be the owner of this cute polar bear. However, when my so called friends June and Chris visited one evening they were obviously jealous of my new family member. After they’d left I discovered Bird’s Eye had been bearnapped and after a few day’s silence I started receiving threatening ransom notes and unreasonable demands regarding his return.

The note said fifty quid or the bear gets it.

Thankfully, June gave in to her softer side and returned the bear to me safely, so next time they visited for drinks I made sure he was well and truly hidden out of harm’s way. On this occasion our mutual friend Jane accompanied them and much as I know she has a tendency to digest my favourite creatures I didn’t suspect for a minute she too could be so cruel as to sneak off with one of my ducks with fiendish intentions. The following day I was invited to join them all for dinner, but the menu shocked me to the core.

They even asked me to bring oranges.

Shocking isn't it? It really is a struggle keeping all my animals safe from all these heartless people. I just hope the Easter Bunny doesn’t linger too long here today or he may find himself in a pie or stew. The grandmonsters should be arriving any minute, but I bet no one is brave enough to try and kidnap them. Easter blessings to you all.