Down the Rabbit Hole

This New Year

I haven't had a lot of time to write, even though I have had plenty of fodder to fire my engine of creativity. Now, sitting down staring at this text box, I am simply feeling overwhelmed, perhaps for the first time, too overwhelmed to even attempt any sort of recap or rundown. The last few weeks have been difficult ones with hard lessons and even harder reveals but there have been some amazing, sweet and wonderful moments too. I'm drained but ready to move forward into 2013 without resolutions or promises or expectations..only an open mind and the knowledge that I am blessed. Last night Jaden fell asleep in my arms while we were watching tv, something she hasn't done for a long time. Rather than put her to bed, we passed her between us, alternating when our arms fell asleep or one of us had to refill our drinks or take the dogs out. It was sweet to hold her like that, as if we were preserving that little bit of baby girl still left inside her...if only for a bit longer. She will turn three this month and very soon we will say goodbye forever to those earmarks of toddlerhood...pullups and sippy cups, little nubby forks and peg puzzles. A few moments ago she called me and when I asked her a question, she answered me fully and clearly, a new development I'm still growing accustomed too...it seems sometimes that she must expand her vocabulary and comprehension skills overnight as each morning I am surprised anew by a whole fleet of new words, expressions and intentions. She is growing and developing at such a rapid rate now, it feels as I am an running to keep up with her. It is both amazing and bittersweet.

As 2012 becomes part of our past, so do countless moments like last night - most of which I hope I have taken the time to memorialize for us in some way. Sometimes looking back is just as important as going forward.