Jaded Warriors book 2 (Jade Series)

Chapter 7

Chapter 7


My insides felt lighter and less disturbed from yesterday after I cleaned and talked to Kane. I hadn’t stopped at the kitchen, but continued as I cleaned the bathrooms. I did things that didn’t take much thought including the roast I had started in the Dutch oven so the guys could have meat for sandwiches over the next few days. The surprise on Gage’s face when he finally walked in at the end of the day was more than rewarding for my efforts.


The morning moved by much slower than yesterday. The cleaning spree had consumed most of my day and with nothing left to clean, I spent the morning looking out the window. The snow fell again. It snowed on and off for the last week and over the course of the storms we got two feet of snow. The flakes were smaller than yesterday and looked like it wouldn’t snow for long. The clouds thinned and a ray of sunshine tried to peak through.


I watched Gage outside with his sister Ivy. She walked stiffly all dressed up in her pink winter snowsuit. She threw a ball of snow and hit him in the face. I smiled as he faked injury and fell over in the snow as she laughed. She walked over to him after he didn’t get up and he grabbed her when she got close. She squealed as he threw her in the snow.


My smile faded at the two of them together and I found myself longing to be outside too.


“Hey.” 


I squealed as I just about jumped off the couch. Panicked and startled, I turned from the window to see Kane walk down the stairs. I took a deep breath and sighed as I pulled my legs underneath me.


“Kane!”


“I’m sorry, Jade.”


The tears threatened, the stupid unstoppable tears as my heart raced. I had to get a grip on this! I swallowed hard and forced them back as I held my breath before they made their appearance, then I felt them recede. A miniscule amount of accomplishment surfaced in my heart as I searched deep for a shred of strength to keep them back. It followed quickly with a burst of anger at how something so insignificant but yet unexpected could trigger such crazy emotions and I hated what I’d become.


“Breathe,” he said, with a grave look on his face. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”


“It’s not you… It’s me,” I said with a weighty exhale, then shook my head in disgust as I silently chided myself.


“It’s okay… Relax. You’re so tense, Jade,” he said, as he approached me and sat next to me on the couch, his hand rested firmly on my shoulder as if to calm me. 


“You shouldn’t have kept everything from me,” I said, as I fumbled with the bronze tassel attached to corner of the velvety throw pillow.


“Maybe I shouldn’t have but I was trying to protect you... I’m sorry.” His blue eyes pained, his jaw twitched under his two day shadow as he clenched his teeth. His grip on my shoulder grew tighter as he watched me.


“You keep saying this isn’t my fault, but…”


“It isn’t...”


“I feel responsible! You know… those kids,” I said, as I clutched the pillow tight in my arms. He nodded his acknowledgement, the kids burned in the fire. “They asked me to help them, to take them with me when I left. I let them down, I let them die… alone. They were probably terrified!”


“You don't know if they're dead," he said, the pressure building in my shoulder from his firm grip, but strangely, felt good. The tension drawn out by his hand.


"I barely made it out myself. I don't see how they could have survived. I saw the compound burn, Kane. They were the only ones left inside that I saw and Gage said they found bodies."


"You had no control over that. It wasn’t your fault.”


“Then why do I feel like it was… And I practically gave Hector to Morrison! He told Hector that I did, he knew it was me. I watched them kill him, but I might as well have pulled the trigger myself. If I would have known…”


“But you didn’t know. You did what you had to, and I am going to have to live with that, not you,” he said, then turned his gaze away and looked out the window. “I made the decisions, so stop blaming yourself, if you want to be mad, be mad at me.”


I waited for him to look at me. My heart sank when he did. His eyes sorrowful and his shoulders slumped under the pressure of the burden he carried in his heart. My heart wasn’t the only one that needed to heal. “I’m not mad at you, Kane,” I said, then turned away from him as I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, crushing the pillow to my chest. I gave him a sidelong glance over my shoulder and moved my hair off my back as he looked at me perplexed. “Will you do my other shoulder? They’re going to be uneven if you don’t.”


He chuckled lightly as he gripped both of my shoulders and pressed his thumbs into the tense spots on my back. “You’re going to get through this, it’s just going to take time. Okay…"


"Okay…" I tipped my head forward, resting my forehead on my knees I closed my eyes.


“You are making progress… I don’t know if you realize this but, the information you gave me yesterday is big.”


“It’s going to help you somehow?” My voice muffled as I spoke into my arms.


“Yeah… I have to leave for a while. The guys need help in the city and I want to talk to Mike about what you told me so I need to go. Casey will be coming too and Gage eventually but I can’t leave without knowing you are going to be okay,” Kane paused momentarily and I whirled my head around to look at him as I drew in a quick breath. He continued to knead my shoulders. I winced as he hit a tender spot, the ache painfully soothing as he worked through the knot. “Damian is in Colorado, my contact on the inside has confirmed it. I wouldn’t go if I thought he was still a threat.”


“Okay…”


“We need to talk about what you are going to do while we’re gone, and where you’re going to stay.”


“I already know. I heard you talking to Mike. I can take care of myself,” I said, as I stared blankly at the wall before me.


“Well, that’s what I’m unsure of... I’m going up north for supplies and can take you up to aunt Beverly’s if you want with Emery.”


“I don’t want to go up there.”


“I’m going to the city for three days to assess their supplies…  I’ll be back here for a day before I head north for a week. Then Gage, Casey and I are going back to the city and we’ll be there a few weeks before we come home again,” Kane said. I didn’t say anything, just focused on his hands dissolving my stress. “Think about what you want to do for a few days. Gage said you are welcome to stay here or at Deanna’s, or you could probably stay with Megan, she will be staying here.”


“You’re giving me a choice?”


“Yeah, I’m giving you a choice.”


“I’ll think about it.”


He gave me one final squeeze, then his hands dropped from my shoulders as he stood and I turned to watch him walk to the door. He hesitated with the door open and glanced over at me as the cool air snuck in from outside. The build-up of stress apparent on his face.


“I’ll be okay… and thank you,” I said, as I shifted my shoulders up and down. The tension significantly decreased and the ache in them gone. I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around me.


Kane gave me a half-hearted smile. “You’re welcome,” he said, then walked outside. I looked back out the window and watched him walk to the truck. I looked for Gage but I couldn’t see him. Ivy was still out there with her cousins but no Gage.


It was cold out so I brought the blanket with me as I went outside and sat on the front porch. I breathed in the crisp air and watched the snow as it sparkled like a million crystals across the front yard.


“Hi, Jade,” Deanna said, as she walked up the front walk and sat by me on the porch.


“Hi.”


“It’s good to see you out.”


“Thanks.”


I’m sorry to hear about Trey.”


“Yeah.”


Deanna sat next to me. She didn’t look too different from what I remembered her to look like when I was young. Other than a few more laugh lines around her eyes, she looked pretty much the same.  I thought then that she was pretty and she still was. She still had a youthful appearance even though she neared forty. Her hair, still dark with maybe a few grey hairs, but not many, and her round deep-set eyes were a warm dark brown.


“Deanna, Hayden wants you!” Ivy said, as she ran up the walk.


“Okay, I’ll be right there... Ivy, this is Jade. Gage’s friend.”


“Hi.” 


Ivy looked a lot like Gage’s mom, but instead of brown eyes like her mom and aunt, hers were a bashful blue, with her skin, light and soft.  I remembered how her and Gage played earlier. She absolutely adored him, I could tell by the way she held onto him, just about as much as he adored her. I couldn’t help but smile inside when I saw her.


“Hi Ivy… So you are the one Gage told me about.”   


Ivy gave me a shy smile that reminded me of Gage’s. Warm and soft, and her eyes lit up as she smiled.  “Do you like the snow?”


“Yeah… I love the snow.”


“Do you want to make a snow angel with me?” Her eyes got big as she waited for my answer.


“Oh, sweetie, Jade’s been sick. She might not feel like playing in the snow right now,” Deanna said, as she stood up and held out her hand for Ivy. “Let’s go see what Hayden wants.”


I saw the immediate disappointment in Ivy’s eyes.


“It’s okay Deanna. I can make a snow angel… I can’t remember the last time I made one.”


Ivy’s eyes lit up again and she smiled.


“Okay Ivy, fifteen minutes,” Deanna said, and she waved as she walked down the sidewalk towards home.


“Okay.”


Her cold rosy cheeks dimpled as her full lips curled in a smile and perfectly framed her two missing front teeth that made it hard for her to say her S’s. She had long, dark brown hair which went almost down to her waist that was weaved into two braids just behind her ears that flowed from underneath a cream colored knit cap. With matching gloves, she held out her little hand for mine. I let the blanket fall behind me as I stood and we walked to the edge of the sidewalk.


“Do you remember how?” She asked me. I smiled warmly at her.


“Remind me.”


“You have to fall back into the snow like this,” she said, as she let herself fall backwards. She landed in the soft snow. I fell back next to her, not as graceful as Ivy of course, but I managed and I smiled to myself when she said I did okay. Ivy talked as we made snow angels together. I absently moved my arms and legs slowly through the snow. The clouds had burned off and the snow glistened against the bright sun. I squinted through my eyelashes up at the blue sky that starkly contrasted everything else that was clean and white. “Jade are you there?” I looked over at Ivy to see puzzlement cross her face.


“I’m sorry Ivy, what did you say?”


“Are you having fun?”


I gave her a weak smile. Her eyes gleamed as she gave me a big toothless grin back, which made me laugh a little to myself.


“Yeah…I’m having fun… Thank you.”


Her smile faded quickly as she looked at me perplexed. “Are you in your pajama’s?”


I stopped for a moment and laughed aloud. “Yeah… I guess I am.”


“Are you cold?”


“I hadn’t noticed until now, but yeah, kind of.”


Ivy stood carefully and looked proudly at her masterpiece. I stood next to her and looked at the white angels in the snow.


“There… Now you have angels to keep the bad guys away,” she said, with a matter of fact tone in her little voice, then looked at me intently and hugged me around my waist. Surprised by her comment, I felt a knot appear in my throat and swallowed hard to force it away.


“What bad guys?”


“Oh they’re out there... The ones Joel and Gage are keeping away... I make a snow angel every day to make sure they’re safe... And to keep the bad guys away… now you have some too.”


“Thank you Ivy…  That’s exactly what I needed,” I said, as I smiled at her and gave her a hug back. I wondered what she thought of everything and how much she actually knew. I couldn’t imagine how scary everything would be for a seven year old girl. I felt a twinge of sadness as I thought about my own sister Emery. I missed her so much. She was so far away, too far.


“Well, I better go... Want to do this tomorrow?”


“Sure…” I smiled. I stood in the snow and watched Ivy as she crossed the street. She waved goodbye then ran off the best she could, constricted stiffly in her snowsuit.


Suddenly, I felt the cold down to the bone as a light breeze blew and I shivered in my wet clothes as I picked up the blanket and walked inside. I smiled inwardly as I thought of Ivy and the memory of how we played in the snow and I looked forward to tomorrow for the first time in a real long time.