Shadow Puppet Storyteller

Going Too Deep

A bit of a cheat...a draft of a letter fro 4/19/08 that I may or may not have sent to a friend/former co-worker:

I have a project for the class I've been taking at church - obviously I'm avoiding it.

Darn me and my hallmark determination. I've had several throw-up my hands and consider walking out moments at work. And I realize just asking a co-worker to do some of my piled work doesn't sit well with me either. But I really have had to relent in that area too. Part of the struggle is seeing how inflexible my mind has gotten. The accumulation of small criss-crossing changes over time has resulted in a huge workflow knot. I still like getting through a week of work, but it's become a greater share of "getting through" and less an appreciation for the "work."

I relaxed Friday by finally getting to see Dan In Real Life. If I'd known beforehand that Disney had a hand in it, I might have passed on it. But it was Touchstone actually and paired with Focus Films, which brought it up in sophistication. There was something wrong with the character development of the female lead. Too often she seemed completely along for the ride and not thinking for herself. I did sympathize with Steve Carell's misery and even thought he could have let his zaniness out a bit more. But then it might have come off like Steve Martin's L.A. Story rather than reminding me of Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn in Same Time, Next Year.

So, the project I've started, but keep writing out and fussing over (translative picture: If one were still using a typewriter, author reads over, shouts, "Crap!" rips it out of the roller, angrily slides another sheet in...crumpled balls lie all about), this project that started out terrifying, then fun, now aggravating is a eulogy and memorial service...for myself.

I think I appreciate better that most services are not aided in their creation by the departed. What's the goal?

I can't even imagine how my happy-faced (I don't even need this job) supervisor could begin to categorize on my performance evaluation form how my struggle with change and a preoccupation with all the questions about freedom of choice, love and dying may be impacting my work. I giggle thinking that's the part I can fill in. That would give her some interesting cubicle reading!

(This will be really funny if I go back into my blog and find that I copied and pasted this before; like about the time period I wrote it...)