Down the Rabbit Hole

A Life Once Lived

I dashed out today to go the bank and grab takeout for lunch and had an experience that I have not had for some time. She pulled in next to me in the lot in front of subway. I knew her immediately. As fate would have it, we shared a common destination and she ended up behind me at the subway counter. She watched me as I placed my order, I saw her studying my profile, trying to place my face. She started with small talk, asked me if I was on my lunch break. She flashed me her trademark grin when I nodded.

Then came the inevitable, “ I know you…” she stated, considering my face again closer now.

I waited. A few moments later, recognition flashed in her eyes. But before the realization fully dawned on her face, her features transformed into that look of sympathy that I was once so familiar with. Her grin melted into that same sad and knowing smile I had seen so often on the faces of his friends. She struggled to find the words, started and then stopped again. I threw her a lifeline.

“Melissa” I tapped my own chest. “You helped Seth with his banking. It’s Pam, right? The two of you went to school together.”

The truth was Pam had done a lot more for my ex then help him with his banking. She fought gallantly to try to keep him from going under in the ocean of his own rapidly accumulating debt. Later, towards the end, she also aided the family in obtaining the records they needed to set-up, transfer and dispense his estate prior to his passing. She had been a good friend to him. They had laughed a lot. Pam had really cared about him. She had left a warm and sweet message to his family on the page the funeral pallor had setup on their site for Seth.

Pam grinned, but her eyes were tinged by sorrow. “He was such a great guy, so sad what happened. A long time ago huh?”

“Seems like a lifetime ago,” and it was the most honest response I could muster.

When I left with my sandwich, she touched my arm as I walked by, “Take care Melissa.”

I knew Pam. I remembered her as I remembered all of Seth’s friends, and there were so many. He had a virtual army of kindhearted people who loved him, helped him, prayed for him and ultimately grieved for him…good people who touched my life briefly in another time, in another life.

Just this morning I was watching my daughter run off smiling into the arms of her little friends and I thought, strangely enough, how different my life was now, how different of a person I am today. It is so easy to get swept up in the daily pulse of my life that I forget the places I traveled to, the people I shared that journey with. Then I have an encounter like I did today with Pam and I realize, it never really goes away. The past becomes part of your soul’s landscape forever and it’s a past you share with others. A past that comes with pain and heartache but also bright smiles, warm moments and laughter between old friends. As I walked away I knew with absolute certainty that Pam was remembering those same things now and it made her feel happy and sad all at the same time. I understood exactly how she was feeling.