Perpetual Ruminations

Monday

I introduce my journal with, "These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations."

In other words, I don't write about anything, I write about my thoughts, ideas, what ever happens to go through my head around that time. I don't put this in for you as much as for me. I need to remind myself once in a while what my journal is for, you see.

What happens is, some reader passes by and reads my entry, likes and comments, and soon I find myself wanting to write for my audience. I want to write something interesting for others to read. That's why I'm a writer, I reckon, I love to write for others to enjoy.

But, that's not what my journal if for, it's for me to let things out, to work things out, and to filter, process, homogenize, and pasteurize the vast array of assorted electrical impulses that bounce around inside my noggin.

Sometimes stress builds up and, because I'm a writer, I write to relieve the pressure. Sometimes I need to find a solution to a situation, and because I'm a writer, I write to find solutions, to see what will be the best choice of action. Sometimes I have ideas for things I want to try, because I'm a writer, I need to write them out and see what's folly and whats practical. In fact, being a writer, I write to do most everything. I write notes, I write lists, I write reminders, I write letters and e-mails, and I even write for fun.

This month I'm doing NaNo, and I get to write. Unfortunately, I'm impatient and want results right away. I do fine on poetry and stories I can complete, at least roughly, in two or three days. After that, I tend to set them aside with intentions to come back and finish them someday. Only, there is no someday, we only have the seven days a week, and never does a week come up that has the extra day I need.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Someday! So, as you see, Someday just never comes, and things just never get finished. Why?

Because my head is like some kind of satellite dish that collects every little energy wave that comes along. Thousands, maybe billions of bytes of thought pass through the processor, and need attention, lest they build up and overload the processor.

How it seems to work is like this. I have an idea flash into my thoughts. It's a good idea, but I need to write it down because it will get lost in the flood of thought moving through my constantly. Then, as soon as I can find the time, I start to work on the thought I saved. Let's say it's a story. I sit down and either on paper or computer, I hack out a rough draft of my story idea, while the rest of the flood is diverted. Only I can only divert this mass of thought for so long. Something will come up that requires my attention and I will have to process more information, taking me away from the story.

So far, so good. Only now the story gets diverted off to the side where it mires down in a bunch of other thoughts being pushed aside while I deal with the current situation. If I get back to it right away, I'm fine, but if I don't, it gets buried under other thoughts and problems and I don't ever finish. It's in the pool of thought set aside for Someday.

NaNo is my attempt to break this process and write everyday, come hell or high water. In order to do that, I have to have some place to divert that flood of thought I usually put in the Someday place. But where to store it all?

That's the idea of the journal, a place to write it all down, what ever comes through my head, even if it's gibberish in the end. If I stick to the main purpose of this journal and divert my thoughts here, I will do great, but if I get distracted here and try and write for others, I will sabotage myself.

Instead of needing a week with Someday in it, I have this journal. Perhaps one day, I'll start another book to record ideas I have in here. I could go through entries and pull adn gather any relative thoughts together, then record them in my book titled "Someday."

Now, off to get things out of the way so I can NaNo this afternoon. I need to finish chapter two and hopefully start on three.