Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about bees, super gone-zo, and the first job.

30DBC PROMPT: "Yesterday, I asked if anyone noticed anything different about camp. We heard about lights, saucers, flashlights in the lake, beards, crazy drunk teens, even a large furry (possibly) Sasquatch, and someone keeps drinking my coffee before I do. What no one noticed is the big hole that is in the tree right next to our tents. Where did that come from? Clearly, there is something hanging from the hole, but what is it?"

Hi campers! Been a minute, hasn't it? But it's not like I haven't been peepin' on the exploits around Camp Bloggawhynotta this past week...I've just been keeping a safe distance from some of the chicanery, lest that noise follows me back home, ya heard? But for real, I just needed a couple days' break to take care of a few silly life things (like finally becoming a full-fledged Cortland resident, as authorized by the notary public) while getting over the "Barrel of Monkeys"  (which obviously took a lot more out of me than I thought and was even harder getting over...it's like that teenage love affair where all you do is spend nights on the phone with each other, and suddenly she's not there to talk to anymore, and those couple hours between dinner and bedtime now feel like centuries of nothing, and...ok, I'll shut up now). But this is my last full week before school starts (although there's some orientation stuff goin' on Monday and Tuesday that I should probably check out), and I wanted to make sure I was in a good spot mentally before I took anything else on. So far, so good.

So camp's been pretty crazy, huh? I'll admit, I haven't read everything, so forgive me if at times I'm speaking like I'm out of the loop (because I probably am). What's this I hear about everyone sporting special Fivesixer beards? I'm flattered you guys...although the thought of Noyoki or ElaineElaine looking more masculine than Charlie ~ kinda freaks me out a little.

And how on Earth did we miss that damn hole in the tree? The one with the thing hangin' in it that looks like the back of a cartoon baby's screaming throat? You know, the one with all the frickin' bees comin' out of it like they're livin' in some kind of honey brothel? I'll tell you what...I'll punch a bee in the face.   Straight up. Ain't nobody got time for bees, bee stings, Wu-Tang Killabees, or Ramona And Beezus...it's Friday, and we've gotta gather up some wood for tomorrow's campfire.

So Charlie ~ , 💙 Carly and I grabbed an ax and a hatchet and proceeded off into the woods along with a little sled to carry some of the bigger pieces back. We came to a clearing right before the lake- now mind you, we're in broad daylight- and the wind suddenly picked up as the sky began to turn an ominous shade of grey. The three of us stopped and looked at each other, as if to say "WTF?!" without actually saying it...and then we saw it, dancing merrily on the other side of the lake. It's...it's...

SHARKHORSENADO!

I was like, "Yo, I have a beard; I ain't ready to die! Let's GTFOH before that thing gets crazy and we end up on another sequel!" Carly agreed, and Charlie lit up a smoke before he realized it was time to get outta dodge and get back to camp.

Lyn's a sly fox was more than a little miffed that we were back so soon and without wood. Her, Prosperous Snow celebrating and ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy were rewashing the breakfast dishes because the guys hadn't done a good enough job of getting the crumbs and frosting from the Little Debbie snack cakes off the plates earlier, so Lyn's tone was fairly understandable...as was the incredulousness in her voice when Charlie stammered "Sh-Shh-Sharkhorsenado!"

Finn O'Flaherty overheard us, came out of her tent, and wondered, "What's the commotion?" We described to her what we saw, and ElaineElaine perked up with interest (or maybe it was the shroom-laced coffee). She proceeded to tell us a story about a mythical campground she'd heard of as a young girl...there was a playful beast that got along with all the forest creatures. It would protect them, and in return they would feed and groom this gentle giant, for it had no arms. It was the Sharkhorse, and he was considered the mayor of the forest population...until the day the humans took over and built cabins and latrines around the clearings and streams.

"Rumor has it," Elaine continued, "that when too many people book reservations for camping trips, the Sharkhorses get angry...and when they get angry-" Elaine walked over to the gigantic hole in the tree- "things like this happen." Sure enough, the hole was roughly the size of an ill-tempered horse's hoof, and Sharkhorses were known to be powerful enough to inflict Bruce Lee-like damage (such as kicking a hole in a thick tree).

"What are we gonna do?" asked a nervous amy-Has a great future ahead . "Good question, Amy," I said. "We have to find a way to let the Sharkhorse know we're its friend, not its enemy." Lyn was skeptical. "How do you plan on retraining nature's natural selection, Norb?" "I don't know, Lyn," I smirked, "but someone's gotta do it before the next Sharkhorsenado strikes and we end up as fish food!" Everyone let a nervous giggle slip.

Well folks, we've got some time...anyone have any suggestions? Let's get this fire built, and see if we can charm an angry colony of Sharkhorses.

SATURDAY'S CAMPFIRE PROMPT: There has been a Sharkhorse sighting! They're angry with all of the humans on the campgrounds. We've got to use our campfire time to come up with a plan to either catch them all or befriend them before they destroy us...but how will we do that? Perhaps there's a method to all the madness we've experienced so far...

BCF PROMPT: "You wake up and everyone in your family is gone. There's a Post-It note on the kitchen counter. What does it say?"

Has this ever happened to you? You wake up and you have the whole house to yourself, but you know people should be home and they're not (and they haven't told you of any impending plans the night before)? Not like "oh, everyone else is at work or school"- no. Just confusion. Where is everybody? I'm fairly positive it's happened to me before, and there wasn't a note or anything. It was also likely to have happened in the pre-cell phone era, providing the answer of "Have a panic attack" to the question "What did we do before cell phones when we couldn't find people?"

But let's play make-believe and pretend it happened to me in some alternate reality. I'm sure it'd look something like this:

"Dear Kal-El, Your mom and I want you to know we love you very much, but the time has come to tell you we're not your real parents. You just kinda showed up here one day, and you were so dad-gum cute that we couldn't just send you off to the authorities, so we raised you as if you were one of our own. Truth be told though, you're a pain in the ass with your strength and vision, and we're beginning to fear for our lives...therefore, we're leaving the farm to you in hopes that you'll do the right thing by us and for yourself (and stay away from that Lex guy- he looks like bad news). There is $1000 in the cookie jar, and we'll be in touch once we're settled in Metropolis to discuss your future. Love, Mom and Dad

P.S. Here's a roll of quarters too, in case you need to go in to town to make any phone calls."

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I can't be the only one who thinks the Sharknado movies would be better off if Godzilla were fighting them, am I?

"History shows again and again
how nature points up the folly of men."
Lyrics.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"Your younger self is about to be offered your first job. What would you tell yourself knowing what you know now? "

This is pretty straight-forward: it's ok to have fun once in awhile as long as you're doing a good job and your work is getting done, and there are a multitude of ways that fun things can happen if you're resourceful enough.

I think the majority of us go into our first jobs a little too uptight; afraid to make a mistake or piss someone off, kinda worried that the boss is gonna fire you for something stupid you had no idea about. And while it's true that maybe certain employees who've been around a little longer can undoubtedly get away with more, that doesn't mean your first job has to require that you act as a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir either. It's all about using good judgement and common sense...and it helps to have slightly warped senses of humor and of where you're at as well. Nothing kills your desire to work more than a job you're afraid to screw up at coupled with the tedious, monotonous tasks you're almost begged to screw up from time to time because 1) most first jobs suck; 2) most kids working their first jobs are expected to suck; and 3) screwing up, when done properly, can be super-funny (to almost everyone except the person who has to bear the brunt of your screw-up.

Take the most popular first job for most teenagers (Non-Paperboy Division): fast food. For the kid who takes it seriously, it's a foot in the door and a reference; it looks good on a college application. For the customer, you're the pimply-faced moron who couldn't understand "No mayo!!" And for your boss, it's another day on the calendar of sadness and missed opportunities. In other words, the place is a teeming comedy goldmine with jokes and one-liners under every balled-up straw wrapper, wad of gum stuck to the table, and tossed-aside, ripped-off corners of ketchup packets. You're a fool if you don't see the mega-dumb mega-corporate mega-chain restaurant for all that it really is: the very first place you'll learn how to subtly stick it to The Man while coming off as someone who knows what the hell he or she is doing.

I shoulda definitely been a motivational speaker or something. Or a valedictorian. Me + cap and gown + "Damn The Man!" = a better life for everyone involved.

I know I probably said last week I wasn't gonna say anything more about depression, but then I came across this blog post about depression and creativity  , and it's a must-read in my opinion for anyone who is in any kind of creative field (be it as a job or a hobby or both). It's humorous and well-written (albeit NSFW at times) but definitely worth it just for explaining how the creative process works for people with depression, and why sometimes the funniest people are also the most tormented inside.

So, have you guys seen this "Invalid Item" ? Like, I was challenged in it by my boy CJ Reddick , and the challenge was to "challenge other non-Blogging Circle Of Friends members". To, ummm, what, exactly? I don't get it. I'm just gonna find ten random WDC members and email them with "I challenge you!" and see what happens when I don't respond to their replies of "What? Challenge me to what?" Then I'll go back to CR and be like "Haha! I win! Challenge complete!" and go along my oblivious way. It's still not as awesome as these 22 people who should not have taken the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge  , but I'll be happy and that's all that matters.

Well, I missed you guys sorta, and I'm glad to be back for the next brief little while before I totally break down and realize I'll be in college all over again in less than a week. Peace, with a purposeful grimace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!