Wondering about my Wanderings

Back Trouble

If every part of the body could talk? My back is killing me, even as I type these words. Lately I have been perseverating over not being able to see my son Tim, the plight of my former sister in law, Mom's healh and potential attacking of my ex spouse.

All this seems to lead to a back that is tired of feeling burdened with things that I have no control of. My son Tim for instance seems caught up in his own world. I hearken back to the days when I was a dad and did not talk with my dad at all. Usually mom was the go to person. I did not start talking to dad with any regularity until a few years before he died. Yet when Tim does not contact me for a month I go ballistic inside.

I have no control over what is happening to my mom. She seems to be on death's door in one week and in good health the next. Why can't it all be over with? I quip after that: "everyone will be sorry".

Then my ex wife is another complaint I have trouble letting go of. She was not there when I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Her sister is going through that right now. It was during this period in the hospital, Cindy called and let me know divorce was imminent. Cindy's sister was there for me. Now it is hard to not be there for her and my feeling spew out of my back. OUCH