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In Sickness And In Health

         I have heard a number of single people who are sick complain that they have to go through it alone. It doesn't matter how old they are, or whether they are never married, divorced, separated, or widowed, male or female, they think it would somehow be easier to bear if they had a partner to go through it with them.

         And we look around and see couples who do seem to help each other. Some little tiny white haired woman helps the tall guy out of his wheel chair and into her car without dropping him in front of the hospital. A man patiently gets his frail wife out of the car at the doctor's office and gets her inside. A husband keeps track of things for his wife with dementia so that she can go on trips with her ladies groups or go to lunch with friends.

         I used to watch my dad lift my mom out of the wheelchair, when she had to recover in a nursing home from an accident,  by letting her put her arms around his neck. He'd stand up and that would bring her to her feet. He'd turn her around to sit on the bed, and she didn't want to let go. He'd get her down and help put her feet on the bed, and put the blanket up over her, and make sure she was okay before he left for the night. I remember thinking that some people look all their lives for that kind of love, of trust, of caring, but they never find it.

         However, the sad truth is that even a marriage or loving relationship does not guarantee that you will have a caring partner if you get sick. Some partners just aren't equipped to handle adversity. They may be afraid of death because of past experiences. They may just be too immature or self-centered. Women with breast cancer frequently discover the husband can't relate to what she's going through, how she feels, what this does to her self image. Even a a married woman can find herself alone in that dire situation.

         I'm sorry I don't have better advice. Single people, you aren't as alone as you think. Most people probably go through their dark days alone or only half-supported. The lucky ones should be grateful and feel blessed.