Everyday Canvas

Emotional Intelligence: Can it be taught in schools?

Prompt: Emotional intelligence.
If you were to design teaching emotional intelligence in schools what would your curriculum include?

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I define emotional intelligence as being aware of one’s own emotions and being in control of them when it comes to one’s actions. Psychologists take this definition a step further. They say, emotional intelligence is the term that describes how well individuals can manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others. I say if one is aware of oneself and is in full control, surely they can relate to other people’s emotions through analogy.

I also think the learning of emotional intelligence begins at home before any schooling. It is as simple as the parents naming the emotions a toddler is feeling. To give a few examples:
- You are angry that your toy broke. You wish it hadn’t.
- You are jealous of your brother. It is okay to feel jealousy but hitting is not allowed when we are jealous of someone.
- You are feeling upset and sad that Grandma is leaving. That is why you have tears. Just think she is going to come for a visit again very soon.

This is not always possible with every household, however. Some of us have grown up in households where some or all emotions were taboo. To give a few examples:
- You can’t be mad at your father. Being mad at grownups will get you a spanking.
- In this house, we don’t hate anyone. Hating is not Christian.
- You don’t know what being really sad is. You’ll be sorry when you find out.

According to psychologist Daniel Goleman—Emotional Intelligence (1995, Bantam Books), emotional intelligence has five key areas: Self-awareness, self-management, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Since most children are not the products of model families, to pick up the pieces is left to school personnel, school psychologists, teachers and the like.

If I were to develop a curriculum for any school, with grade schools, middle and high schools in mind, I would first insist on two separate periods in a week for this learning and training for every grade and every year. First period of the week would be giving the assignments and explaining them and the second period would be for the discussion of that assignment.

The assignments would include: keeping an emotion journal, in which kids would write things that happened to them, how they felt about it and how they dealt with their feelings. These journals would be private, probably for only the teacher’s eyes, unless the student wants to discuss something during the discussion period.

The teacher, either from his/her readings from student journals or by presenting a possible scenario, should ask the students for their input. For example, what kind of a reaction to a given situation would be appropriate or which reactions would show strengths or weaknesses?

The students should be instructed to pause, slow down, and think (or meditate) when a powerful emotion takes hold of them. Each emotion, how it affects a person's thinking and his body, should also be discussed one by one throughout the semester.

Another type of an assignment could be to have the students write down a conversation with themselves when faced with a dilemma or an overpowering emotion if and when they might face a certain difficult scenario.

Students can also be shown how to turn their emotional energy into motivation, or in other words, something productive, such as a booed baseball player focusing his attention and hitting a homerun or a young musician creating a song out of his misery. Yet, in order to do this students need to examine and identify their own values; that is, what is important to them and what makes them tick, and possibly making lists of those important values, so they can revert to them in time of need.

Then, as to teach empathy, they should be taught how to listen to other people; this could be achieved by either with people brought in from outside or the students in the class interacting with each other. The students should be told that they have to put their preconceptions and skepticism aside, and allow the other person have a chance to explain how they feel. When the listener tries to cut the speaker with “I know, I know but…” he or she should be instructed to put himself/herself in the other person’s place, and muse on how their life would be different if they were the other person.

Then, toward the end of the semester or school year, students should be taught other social skills as well, although not necessarily the Emily Post’s Etiquettes, but being kind, understanding, and yet assertive when a situation arises, and to always end on a cooperative note, be it in family life, business, or pleasure.

Self-management is a tough area to master, especially for students whose backgrounds are lacking. I have the belief and the hope that once people can learn to handle their own feelings and reactions and succeed in getting along positively with others, most of our society’s ills will be eased off.