Everyday Canvas

Difficult conversations

Prompt: Everyone at one point in their life has a difficult conversations, some go well - some not so well. Think about a conversation you've had that you really wish you could have a do over? Tell us about it what you would do different?

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I really don’t want to do-over anything because I acted the way acted and spoke the way I spoke then, according to my level of maturity and knowledge at the time. I general I don’t believe in regrets unless one has committed a crime or hurt someone badly or if the regret or rather looking back will help prevent future misses in relationships. Causing hurt to another person is the worst outcome of a difficult conversation.

Having said that, didn’t I hurt anyone at all? Surely, I did, but it always was because of their own obsessions with me or because of a circumstance about me. Whatever I did or said in the past wasn’t with malice at all, but it might have been through my own hurt or through the effort of trying to get myself out of a sticky situation. My worst problem with some of those instances was getting emotional. Getting emotional messes up everything in any conversation and makes the mind lose its course of action. Even then, I am not so unhappy about the way I handled things.

There are a couple of instances, however, when I wish I hadn’t bothered to talk at all because it wasn’t worth it. That conversation wouldn’t have changed anything in my circumstances and it wouldn’t change any stubborn minds, and it didn’t. Sometimes, it is better to just walk away from a sticky situation, and not tell it “as it is” to people who are mulish. They won’t get you anyway.

Difficult conversations are scary because the cost of failure raises the defenses on both sides, especially when the stakes are high, as in work situations. Delivering bad news to employees in case of a demotion or firing has to be the worst, but even then, the stress out of such a stressful conversation can be taken out by choosing the right words and not forgetting the humanity of the person one is talking to.

Yet, choosing the right words every time, especially in an argument, is not for the weak of heart. Which one of us hasn’t hit himself or herself on the head afterwards and said, “I should have said this or answered this way”? Arguments, however, rarely qualify for being difficult conversations, as such a conversation has to be held in a calm and sincere manner with the intention of informing the other party.

I think a difficult conversation can be handled best by discussing what matters the most, and not expressing other things tangentially. In addition, a calm demeanor and voice and carefully chosen words should help. Still, this is not so easy to do all the time. Sometimes we’re caught unawares in the most difficult positions when we have to have that fearful conversation. In that case, we have to do our best and not look back with regret at whatever happens. Knowing we did our best is our consolation prize.