Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about duos, clean strawberries, and unburying.

"Of the many forms of comedy, and one of my favorites, is comedy teams. Share your thoughts on comedy teams. Would you be more likely to be part of a comedy team or are you the 'lone stand-up type'?"

Hey folks...welcome back to Day 2 of the Comedy roundtable discussion! Interesting prompt we've got today, so I'm gonna get right to it.

I like the idea of comedy teams...they're versatile, and they allow the opportunity for each person to play off the other. Obviously that opens up a lot of different options, as opposed to just doing a solo bit. You can have two performers who are opposites of each other, or similar, or an ensemble cast. Combinations and outcomes become limitless.

Personally, I could see myself in either a solo stand-up role, or as part of a cast. I'm not sure if I could do a duo or trio or something similarly small. It's not that I don't work well with others, but sometimes in a setting like that I have a hard time getting my ideas out and having them understood the same way I visualize them. If I'm by myself, I don't have to worry about someone misinterpreting me; in a large collaborative effort, there's less pressure to come up with something that stands on its own.

I think in groups there's also more of a willingness to see your material worked down and edited, whereas in a two- or threesome there tends to be more of a "this is how it is" attitude...pushing your own ideas rather than being open to change. It's likely your names are on the project; you don't get to hide behind some fancy group moniker.

It's possible that the other reason I'd prefer to work either by myself or in an ensemble is that's the kind of comedy I prefer...one man stand-up routines, monologues, and sketch comedy with a varied cast. A two or three person routine, in my head, almost requires too much work. A lot of rehearsal. And some kind of gimmick or show. Don't get me wrong; I know that that's needed whether you're a team of 1 or 100...but if you mess up and it's just you and one other person, you have to hope that the other guy can bail you out. In a bigger group there is more opportunity to ad-lib and get around a scene...a scene! In a duo, chances are you are the scene, and the set-up and the punchline.

All of this is just my opinion though. I know very little about acting and performing actual comedy. I'd probably be halfway decent at it, if it weren't for having to remember pesky lines and stuff. I'm a classically trained karaoke artist who reads song lyrics from a monitor while the instrumental plays and sets the mood; I'm not sure how well those skills would translate to a more thespian-themed setting.

"I just have to share this with you...when a 'darning needle', a scary cross between a dragonfly and a giant mosquito, flew into the kitchen, my friend's daughter screamed. Her mom reassured her that she was fine, saying they are harmless, and they fly around minding their own business. After a couple seconds of intense staring by the child, she then asked, 'What is their business?' She didn't get why her Mom and I burst out laughing. I know all of us at one point in our life have had those moments; share with us about someone responding in a literal way to a figurative expression. Or create a story of your own."

Ok, that was a cute story...and I'm sure when I was little I've said similar things to put myself in that same situation. Of course, at the time we hardly ever realize it, and it usually turns into a story a parent springs on you later in life...like when you're introducing them to a new girlfriend for the first time.

This may not qualify as something in the literal/figurative category, but it's the best I can come up with. When I was maybe five or six, my mom, brother, grandmother, and my mom's aunt drove from Buffalo to Connecticut to see my aunt. It was about a seven or eight hour drive, so we made a few stops along the way. One of the stops was at a Friendly's restaurant...and if you ordered off the kids' menu your meal came with a small sundae.

This is the face of someone who was serious about ice cream quality.

I ordered a strawberry sundae, and because I was a under the age of 30 I happened to take my ice cream very seriously. I was into it...it was probably best not to distract me.

My grandmother couldn't help but admire vocally my delicious, fruit-topped frozen treat. She very sweetly asked if she could have one of my strawberries. I obliged her, mainly because she was our ride home from somewhere I'd never been before, and if all I had to give up was a strawberry, well, that beat hitchhiking.

So using my spoon like a shovel, I dug through my sundae to get her a really nice one (you're never too young to start workin' on bein' the favorite grandchild). I carefully loaded it onto my spoon, and stuck the spoon in my mouth. I made sure I got all the ice cream and strawberry syrup off this most delectable fruit, and then I withdrew the spoon from my mouth and offered it to grandma.

She looked at me disgusted and asked me why I did that. My response? "I was just cleaning it off for you!", like I didn't know any better.

"On February 16, 1923 King Tut’s Burial Chamber was opened. How would you feel at this time if you knew that your grave would be opened and you would be put on exhibit in the year 3599? Do you agree with this practice, be it in the name of historical research?"

I don't mean to sound rude or crass, but I don't know how else to say it...who the hell would want to research my grave 1500 years from now? Does anyone have any idea how absolutely silly that sounds?

King Tut died in 1324 (approximately)...I know a lot has changed since then, and sure, he was Egyptian royalty, so there were some different rules, but in the grand scheme of things how different were burials back then compared to now? And furthermore, without doing anymore research and basically running on blind speculation, he was buried in a tomb, no? Like, isn't that where the whole "Who's buried in King Tut's tomb?" gag was started? So they didn't have to blow up a pyramid to gain entrance, which I guess is good.

But they went looking for him 600 years later!! What could possibly be worth digging up a corpse that's been underground or whatever for that long? It's not like he was using Oil Of Olay and taking lots of vitamin B so his skin and bone game was on point. Maybe he wanted his riches buried with him because he was concerned some people in his posse were shady...homie you're dead, if they're shady they're taking off with the loot right before they seal you up. Shady don't know nothin' 'bout karma.

Historical purposes? Unless I'm learning how to become a mortician, you couldn't pay me to care about looking at a body that's been dead for 600 years. I don't even like reading about people who've been dead that long...and me? Who would possibly be that interested in me in the year 3599- 1500 years in the future- that they'd want to dig me up and study my remains? I ain't takin' anything in the casket with me 'cept my memories...and that's even if I deserve a casket. I'd rather be cremated anyway; good luck trying to piece me back together after that.

And just for the sake of argument, let's say I've got about 40 years left to live and I die when I'm 80. Fair enough. With advances in science and technology, storing people who are cryogenically frozen becomes a socially acceptable alternative to death and funerals, and more people opt for it because the price went down and they want to be around for their great-great-great-great-great grandchildren. Assuming certain factors in my life right now hold true between now and the time I decide to nap in that great freezer in an underground bunker, there is almost zero reason for me to rejoin society 1500 years later. I'll still be unmarried with no offspring, I'll still probably hate most people I come across, and most of my earthly possessions will have been sold, lost, destroyed or ruined in the Great Technological Meltdown of Year 2987. I'd basically be Phil Hartman's "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer"   or some kind of anti-cyborg circus freak. Why would I want that? What useful research purpose would I serve? How pissed do you think scientists would be if they chose me as a specimen to find out more about life in the 21st century and I turned out to be kinda useless?

Hold on...if I can be propped up 1500 years into the future just to let more people down, maybe I kinda want in on that. Who do I see to negotiate a sweetheart deal for me?

Better pay attention...this might be the only time you read a blog entry that I've written where a banjo is a featured instrument.

"Are you dead or are you sleeping?
God I sure hope you are dead!"
Lyrics.  

You're all mostly people who enjoying writing and reading things, right? Good...so I assume most of you have at least a cursory grasp of how grammar and punctuation work. Now that we're all collectively a little smarter than the society was when basic English was invented (not factoring in reality television), there may be a need for an updated list of new punctuation marks  . Because it's awfully difficult to convey sarcasm in ordinary handwriting.

Western New York has once again made national news, and not for the right reasons. Two convicts recently escaped from a correctional facility, and one of 'em is definitely a brutal killer. I've seen reports that have said they may have gotten some help from the inside, because they tunneled out using power tools...and while they were at it they also left a racist note  . One person commenting on the article said the note reminded them of a type of candy they used to buy years ago, and I agreed, because the image looked vaguely familiar although I couldn't place it. [Update: Last time I looked at Facebook, an article was posted saying the men were cornered 40 miles from the prison...and the candy in question was possibly Cherry Clan  .]

I know I've got some people who read this fat slab of interwebz soil who like to cook fancy things that aren't just grilled cheese or dumping jarred sauce over pasta, and since this is a website dedicated to various literary pursuits, maybe some of you might like a handful of recipes as written by classic authors  ...there's also a link to different collections and blogs, which I assume have even more gourmandizable goodies for you to make and share. Elle - on hiatus , or maybe Lyn's a sly fox , maybe you guys would really enjoy this.

And finally, it came to my attention last night that The Muppets have once again been synced up with a classic song from the annals of hip-hop history...this time, it's Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Shimmy Shimmy Ya"  . Enjoy!

I think that's about all I have for you guys today, and if you want more, too bad...it's raining out, and I just got back from another session with my therapist that ended with me feeling worse than when I started (that I at least acknowledged to him before I left, which I guess could be considered a breakthrough in my treatment), so I'm gonna go hard on the package of Nutter Butters I picked up from CVS on the way home and hope that makes me like my life a little more, or at the very least makes me so full that I forget to care. Peace, the blow's been softened, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!