Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about trails of sky.

** Image ID #1911719 Unavailable **

What's up everyone? Another Saturday...and for it being almost 5pm I've had about the longest day since, uhhh, I dunno when. All unintentionally, of course, and I'll chalk it all up to luck. It's really true when they (again, I don't know who "they" is, but "they" always seems to be right) say "When it rains, it pours." Fortunately, I came out ahead. I'll get more into that in a sec...but lemme tease you first: free beer.

It didn't even take me a third of this month to fall behind in the "Invalid Item" ...but since nobody reads blogs on the weekends anyway, I figured it'd be a good time to snap off a few short entries and regain lost ground. Of course, I also assumed it'd be a safe bet that I'd be mostly confined to the comfort of my home today except for a short run to the store, but boy was I ever fucking wrong.

As per usual, I waited until the last possible day to fill one of my prescriptions. I timed it well that I could also pick up some bleu cheese crumbles from the organic food place...but what I did not plan for was today's "Taste Of Downtown Cortland" festival-event thingey. If there's anything I hate more than clamor and random people wandering loosely, it's being unprepared for them.

And it's a Saturday...which if you know me and my bitching about where I live, you know that's the morning the anti-war hippies from 1968 gather at the nearest intersection, waving flags and holding "Bring our troops home!" signs while the general public in their automobiles pass by and honk their screamin' horns in direct conflict with my sleeping as late as I possibly can. What is this world coming to?!

So already I'm up here when I should be down here, and I know if I would've went yesterday to pick up my meds I wouldn't be quite as angsty in the moment. But whatever...I got my shit together and made it to the pharmacy with minimal intrusion upon my person. Got my script and slashed legs through the parking lot over to the food place...on the ground, I came across three of those tickets. You know, those standard raffle-like tickets, with the numbers on 'em, that come in the big roll? Only, instead of them saying "Keep This Coupon" like they usually do, these said "Drink". Whatever. I don't care. But something told me to pick them up. And I never pick shit up off the ground. But I did.

I made my way into the store, got my bleu cheese and a mango Kombucha, and cashed out, managing not to get totally pissed that the few items I wanted to get the last time I was there but couldn't because they were out of were now in stock but I didn't need them because I still had some of the crap I bought instead (that sentence was a lot shorter in my head). I hadn't seen this cashier before...lovely young girl. Probably too young, but the hair was that nice, naturally curly curl that girls seem to hate and go mad far out of their way to destroy by straightening...I don't get that. And I'm not normally a fan of lipstick that looks like it doesn't go with the rest of the face or the ensemble, but it worked on her for whatever reason. Very cute. +1 so far on my trip into the the general population.

So I'm tryin' to jam my earbuds back in my don't-talk-to-me holes, and this older couple ahead of me on the sidewalk turns around and approaches me. 1) Fuck, now why can't I go anywhere and not be approached; and 2) I need to start watching my mouth when I say shit like "older couple", because they could've been my age for all I know, even if I looked like I coulda been their bratty pisspot of a kid. They're like "Here, have these! We're from out of town and we're not gonna use them!" It was five tickets for samples at the Taste Of Downtown. Um, ok, cool, thanks! So now not only have I picked up something from the ground, but I've also basically accepted $5 from strangers. At this rate I should be on the back of a milk carton by bedtime .

I then made the executive decision to be hungry, since the event was on my way home anyway. I wasn't really hungry, but fuck it man, I been eatin' salads all week...it was time to let the fat kid in me live life some too. Now check this out: because I'm a slow walker, I'd forgotten all about the nice old people couple who donated their tix to me by the time I made it a half-block to the next intersection...but there they were, and they turned around and were like "Oh, have this too!" and it was a map showing the participating restaurants and what they were offering as samples. And sho' 'nuff, the yellow "Drink" tickets that I picked up on a whim were good for beers at the Cortland Beer Company  . Jackpot! Basically, free restaurant-quality lunch in bites from different places, and three free beers. I have not been this lucky since...2010? I don't know...it's been a long-ass time.

And in my travels between food places, I found another six tickets on the ground. And I grabbed them like a scavenger, because I might get hungrier or somethin'. Don't judge me...I'm on a very fixed income and I hardly ever leave the house. Eventually I made my way over to the CBC, parked my fat ass at one of their outdoor tables, enjoyed my three tasty cold beverages, and cracked open my copy of Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. If it makes you feel good, I got up to chapter 18...each chapter is like three paragraphs long though.

Bonus: when I was out of beer I went home, and passed one of the places I stopped at earlier...where they were giving away full-sized <I forget what they called 'em>, which was turkey with avocado (here's how much I don't like avocado...my spell-check doesn't recognize it), green chilés, and cheddar rolled up in a tortilla and grilled- no sliced-up sample pieces, no tickets...all free. Got two whole ones, which probably would've set me back $10, all because it was closing time. I'm the luckiest bastard ev-arrrrh!! I made it home, didn't get entirely pissed off at the public, found essentially lunch, dinner, and drinks (and probably threw out $6 in sample vouchers when I came home), started reading a book, and I'm writing a blog entry on top of it.

All of which leads me to the selected image from July 10th, which I again remind you I am behind in writing about. That image, once again (to refresh your memory):

It reminded me of the cover for Hey Mercedes' Everynight Fire Works album  ...

I'm sure they have at least one other album, but I came across them through a Vagrant Records compilation cd/dvd some years ago, bought a disc, liked it, forgot about it, and then I read this interesting book called Nothing Feels Good by Andy Greenwald   (who I think wrote for Spin magazine and also the website Grantland... Charlie ~ , you might appreciate this book if I haven't recommended it to you before), remembered them, learned that the singer was also the lead in Braid, and bought a bunch of Braid albums off iTunes. My mind tends to work backwards like that, always trying to figure out source material; that's why I appreciate hip hop so much- I can go back, see where the samples came from, and fall in love with a totally different era of music at the same time. You can call sampling "lazy"; as a collector and purveyor of musical delights I like to think of it as "economical".

And in truth, I needed a day like today. I had to win in the mental department, and not just get by. To go out in public, by myself, not break down or panic, and come out lucky instead of aggravated by everybody else's quirks and qualms. And I'm satisfied. I'm not gonna complain and say "Why couldn't I have found a c-note in cash?" or "Instead of asking if that chair was taken, why not talk to me?". I made it through a day, ahead on some kind of scorecard for a change. I don't care about anything else.

And I'm making no guarantees about tomorrow or any other day, and maybe it's easy for you to just go out and grab each day by the balls but I've done that and felt it kick back so many times that it's no longer a foregone conclusion that every day can be so carefree and whimsical, even when I've got the freedom to make it so. I needed this so I could build on it hopefully, even if it trails off into something lesser and lesser than what I experienced. I know I need to get out and do more, and lower my expectations and push myself harder. This is a start. The cracked shell leaking the white and yolk...who will never be whole again but can bloom into an omelet. With cheese. And peppers. Maybe some bacon too, if I'm lucky. Luckier. Better. Better-er.

Also, I think my cheeks are sunburned.

A complicated sunset
Sets the mood within the room
All bets are up and
We keep looking down
To try and find
The will to turn this around.

I spent the last three months
In mental traction
Woeing all I could forsee
I slept myself free and
Cursed at all awake
The medicine I'd take.

I broke down
On the train to southtown
Midway inbound
Eleven to your seven
I held out
Carrying this crutch around
Angry words came rushing out
Eleven to your seven.

Now I could pound on the keys so hard and
Make the mallets slap the strings and
Pump the pedals till I'm breathless and
Sing off key and
Wouldn't that be just like me?

Now people in the back yell hey
When they see me today
I got a smile so wide it stems offstage
They say go go you gone soul and
For all I know
They now know
Oh no.

You broke down
As I tore the pages out
During all the painful parts
Eleven to your seven
You held out
Carrying your diary around
Angry ink came rushing out
Eleven to your seven.

So we finished the night and
We laud the long ride
Because it leads to my own bed
So at least tonight
My head will be alright.

We broke down
Miles out of Morgantown
A midnight rainstorm crashing down
Not one breathing soul around
Eleven to your seven.

And all that took a lot more time and space than I thought it would. I'll end on that note, figure out where else I need to do the catching-upness thing, and forge on. Peace y'all...