Witness to Withness

Back to Work and Back to School

I enter the dance
At work applying knowledge
At school desiring to know how to work
In the end I see then dance gracefully into the night.

Work and School compliment each other. The bible talks about making disciples. In essence it is all about learning. Jesus talks about "exousia", A Greek word with two meaning. The "ousia" is being. The word ex means out of. Out of knowledge of being comes authority. This is the foundation of ministerial acuity. Forever I learn in order that excellent service is rendered.

         In the midst of laying around at home not knowing what to do I was given options. I was faced with going to work or going to school. I could not be at home and do nothing at all. It was further stated that their was only one family member that was being supportive of me and that was Kim. I was given this lecture by my mom and it seemed ominous enough. The only problem was that I was in no condition to work. I could not stop myself from thinking of death and suicide. I kept this from others because I did not want a return trip to the hospital.

         The only job application that I recall acquiring was from Burger King. This was a fast food restaurant that my brother Kurt and I went to after we went bowling in a league across the street in our younger years. It was also a place my dad frequented when he had his two for one coupons for a Whopper. The slogan seemed to say it all: Have it your way, which was the one thing I was most unclear about. I knew what they all wanted. I was not sure what that meant for me.
         Figuring out the school angle was even trickier. I was transported to a nearby Christian college to determine whether that was where I would spend the rest of my education. My parents/mother was convinced that Eastern Nazarene College (the college I attended) was the cause of my calamity. "After all" she would say "they talk about all this perfectionistic crap. It is what ruined another one of my Uncles". So we went to Gordon Conwell College. I think it funny that it had the same first name as my father. I met some of the main officials at the college and toured the campus. I was quiet, noncommittal, after all no one was asking my opinion anyway and as it turned out it never really mattered what I thought, even as I continued to think of nothing but being too scared to live and too scared to die. How could I minister out the distress I felt deep inside. I am very sure that they did not have a clue anymore than I did.