The Treatment Program of Absurdity: 2

Trip to Salt Lake City

On October 29th, 2011, Mark and I each snorted a line of cocaine in my car, while we were in the parking lot of Brigham Young National Park. As we finished, Mark got a phone-call from Great Ascendency.
“Mark, this is Rick, could you come in to get drug-tested?”
“Well, um, I can’t because I………….”
“Rick, this is Harry. Mark and I drove to Salt Lake City, where we shopped Macy’s and ate at The Cheesecake Factory downtown. When we drove home, I heard a loud noise coming from the engine of my Jeep, so I pulled over to call Triple AAA, which was 5 minutes ago, and they told me that it would take them 3 hours to arrive. We probably won’t be home until around 2:00 A.M.”
“Harry, as much as I believe you, I need proof that you are telling the truth.
“I will send you a picture of us by the car.”
I took a picture of us by the car and sent it to Rick.
“Ok, how far are you guys from Salt Lake Temple.”
“Looking it up, looking it up, looking it up: an hour-and-twenty-minute walk.”
“Could you guys walk there, and take a picture, so I have evidence you guys are telling the truth.”
“Sure thing, Rick.”
“Thank you! When you two return, be sure to check in with Randy.”
“Come on, Randy is a douche-bag.”
“He will be the only one there, though.”
“Fine!”
I, in reality, looked up the driving distance to Salt Lake Temple. We drove an hour-and-twenty-minutes with Mark to get to Salt Lake Temple, where the two of us proceeded to take pictures by the monument. I then went to Macys, where I spent $50.00 on a Tommy Hilfiger polo shirt. The two of us dinned at The Cheesecake Factory in Downtown Salt Lake City; I ordered a cheeseburger with fries and an Oreo cheesecake for desert; Mark ordered a cheese pizza and a vanilla-bean cheesecake for desert. The two of them then headed back to Kingsville.
We arrived at Polly House at 1:00 A.M. on Halloween, 2011. As soon as we walked in the door, Randy turned to the us and exclaimed, “YOU TWO ARE SO DYSFUNCTIONAL THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN GET HOME IN TIME FOR CURFEW. NOW I HAVE TO DRUG TEST YOU BOTH, WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF YOUSELVES?” Mark responded by stating, “We were out for dinner and Harry’s car broke down. What we were doing is something called a friendship, which you may someday acquire if you learn to treat people with respect.” Randy gave Mark a callous look, as I was smirking. Randy gave us both urine tests, and booted both of us from Polly House; while leaving, I shouted to Randy “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ONLINE DATING, YOU SHOULD TRY IT?” Both of our drug results came back negative.