Everyday Canvas

The Affliction of "I should have done better!"

Prompt: What do you think about this feeling of “I should have done better!” in any area? Can it be a positive or negative motivator in some way?


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First, I think we are all doing the best we can with the level of our understanding, education, psychological make-up, and time and life constraints, even if we are not aware of how those levels are affecting our performances.

Some of us, however, beat up on ourselves after the event with the whip of “I should have done better!” Beating up on oneself like that is a negative motivator for sure.

We might have done better, possibly, but our imagined or real failure may not be because of our performance but due to our yet-uncultivated strengths such as patience, self-discipline, courage, and know-how. So rather than judging ourselves as slackers maybe it is a better effort to develop our strengths more.

This doesn’t mean that I am condoning actions that do harm to others or to oneself or the laziness that prevents people from making a full-hearted effort both in enriching themselves or in helping others with what is available for them. Even if such behavior is present, it still shows that some area of the personality isn’t fully developed...YET!

“I should have done better!” used to haunt me a lot because of my upbringing with people who were never satisfied with whatever I accomplished but expected more from me all the time, no matter what I accomplished. For example, if I won the first place in something, my parent would say, “This is nothing. You haven’t won it ten times in a row. So don’t get a big head. Besides, you are still lacking in such and such and such areas…”

It took me half a lifetime to overcome or rather appease the “I should have done better!” syndrome. Now, I have adapted it to, “If the same situation should occur again, how will I do it better? Which part of me would need improvement for that?” This way, the same feeling is an improved one and has turned into a positive motivator.

I think it is a good idea to judge our performances with objectivity with an eye for improvement in the future, but without blaming and putting down ourselves unnecessarily.