Angel Whispers

Ring Ring

I know we're all familiar with the button pressing and security questions involved in making a business phone call these days, but I swear it gets worse by the day and I'm left wondering where it's all going to end.

One big downside of moving house is the amount of phone calls involved. Estate agents, solicitors, utilities, banks, doctors, dentists, hospitals and many more need contacting regarding your change in circumstances. To avoid using the phone I've tried to do as much as I can online, but most websites informed me I needed to phone them. Finding their phone numbers is never as straight forward as you'd imagine either.

Once you've dialled then pressed every number on the keypad several times you are always told the lines are extremely busy at that time and to maybe call later or check out the website. It seems to me every person in the country must spend every day on the phone as there 's never a time you don't hear this message.

Then follows the question and answer session where whatever company you are phoning requires your name, address, phone number, email address, account number, date of birth, mother's maiden name, height, weight, what's for dinner, colour of underwear and the secret password you can't remember.

Finally you are reminded you are in a queue and maybe it would be better to call later or visit the website. In between annoying, repetitive music an automated female voice likes to ask you many questions.

'Would you like to hear our options again?' she asks breezily. 'Say yes or no or use the keypad.

' No,' you say in not quite as sweet a tone.

'I'm sorry,' she says, 'I didn't understand your answer. Would you like to hear the question again? Say yes or no or use the keypad.'

'NO,' you say a bit louder.

'I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that.'

Half an hour and two coffees later a human voice actually answers the call. I am not racist in any way whatsoever, but you can guarantee every person employed by these companies has the strongest accent from whichever place they originate from. Scottish, Irish, Asian or Alien they all ramble on while you attempt to decipher what it is they are actually saying.

Eventually your ears adjust slightly and you realise the first part of the conversation is an enquiry as to whether you'll answer a satisfaction survey once the call is ended. You then repeat every piece of information and answer the same questions as the automated ones before being told you need a different department and then being returned to the irritating music and inane robotic questions.

After this process has been repeated several times you may be fortunate enough to eventually have your query answered if you can actually remember what it was the first place. Other times you are informed this is the wrong department and are given a number to call to start the whole procedure all over again.

By the time the assistant informs you they need to read out some terms and conditions before going ahead your coffee has been swapped for something stronger and you abandon any other plans for the day realising you'll need to lie down in a darkened room for a few hours.

You're just starting to doze off when your phone pings asking if you'd like to rate the call and support received by answering a few questions. By the time you've finished it's dark and you haven't the energy to move until the next morning when the whole routine starts all over again.

Alexander Graham Bell has a lot to answer for, but I guess even he couldn't have predicted the complexities of making a phone call in these times.