Everyday Canvas

Not Knowing

“The wound of not knowing," Ga said to her. "That's the one that never heals".”
Adam Johnson, The Orphan Master's Son
Is there something that bothers you because you know that you don’t have the whole story or have you ever created a character who was wounded by not knowing?


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The Orphan Master's Son, 2013 Pulitzer winner, is the book I am reading at the moment. The story takes place in North Korea at the present. Talk about not knowing what happens in another country...I guess we can imagine some, which will only end up being guesswork, but this author visited North Korea for a short time just to write this novel, so I tend to believe what he offers us is at least true in a small percentage.

I guess if you are unaware of your not-knowing, you are not distressed as much, but if you know something is there but you don't know what it is, it will eat you up.

Similar to it, right now, on the logical level, everything on the national and international arenas bothers me because of the immense quantity of the fake, pessimistic news, or its opposite, projected, imagined, hopeful news: I mean, take your pick. I can’t trust any single one news source or media outlet. I think people were better off in the dark ages. Heck, we haven’t come a long way, baby!

But then, I am not the kind of person who is easily convinced. Even as a kid, I used to drive my mother crazy because I wanted to know what happened to the characters after a story she read to me had ended. Luckily today, we have search engines and, at least for the literary enigmas, they provide some relief, be it not perfect. I guess some answer with some truth in it is better than no answer.

Therefore, I can easily create a character who drives himself crazy not knowing who hurt him or her while he or she was drunk, stoned, in a coma etc., or to where his family members or significant other disappeared, or if her or his disease is fatal or can heal, etc. The options are endless.

In my personal life, not knowing what changed between me and a certain friend still bugs me, even though that friend is deceased now. From the last time we talked, I felt as if that person was blaming me, whereas I always thought that person just took off on a personal quest. I’ll never know exactly what happened, will I? Especially because there were other players in the middle.

Some things are unsolvable no matter how much we brood over them, and not knowing the entire truth just adds to the pain. But then, that’s life!