Can We Talk 2

Grieving

         It's very hard still. We tear up easily. It still feels unreal that someone so full of life is gone. Tonight at dinner, the four year old wanted to go to the hospital to visit her daddy. Her mommy told her, "Remember, he's not there any more." And the child even started talking about Heaven, and that God is in Heaven. But she doesn't understand any of it. The boy is too young to talk. We know he misses his daddy, but he can't say anything.

         We reassured my niece that she's not alone, although I'm sure she feels lonely. We promised to babysit, and reinforced that she should not be afraid to ask us for what she needs. The four year old wants me to come to her house and see her chickens again. I promised her I would take some vacation days, and she and her girl cousins could come stay with me for a girls night at my house.

         Their daddy's sister is putting together a book of pictures and stories for the kids, so that when they are older, they can see who their daddy was and what he was like. They have lots of family and friends, a poor substitute for a doting stay-at-home dad, but family nonetheless.

         The four year old is our greater family wild child. Pregnant, and alone, my niece has her hands full with this child and her brother. It's almost like we need an intervention for this child who bullies her mother already. Somehow, we will get through it together. I want my niece to have her privacy to mourn, but she also needs rest and an occasional break from responsibilities. She feels she needs to be strong and do it all. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to lean on others once in a while. I had to learn myself that no matter how independent you are, you have to allow people who love you to feel useful. It's still a sign of strength to lean on someone else.