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Depressed as hell

I do not even know where the money goes and does it even matter. I am dying with insufficient funds. I worry more and more as my body continues to feel the affects of working way too much.
My family back east seems far away. I have one or two members that keep in touch. Then in Kansas City I hear very infrequently. I call and no one calls back. It is like being dead without being dead.
I guess it can change at the point of accepting orphan status. I feel like someone thwacked me in the back of my head with their hand. Now how do I get piece of mind?