Everyday Canvas

My Two Princes and Emotional Dependency

Prompt: Oops, your favorite fictional character is sitting next to you in the car and says "Step on the gas!" It's your blog, you tell us.

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This prompt made me grin because this really happened to me, not by a fictional character, but my father-in-law who was sitting next to me while I drove him and my mother-in-law to a few places on Jericho Turnpike, Long Island, about 35 or so years ago. I was already going at speed limit, but the road was empty. The same exact words (like those in the prompt) made my mother-in-law upset and he got a scolding from her. “Are you trying to make her get into an accident?” May they both rest in peace for they were some absolutely wonderful people.

As to a fictional character, I can’t see Prince Mishkin (of The Idiot fame) telling me that, since he was so Jesus-like, but probably another prince, The Little Prince (the Saint Exupery offspring) might. Now, that prince was one who lived on an asteroid in space and he would neither understand nor obey the traffic laws as he liked making laws of his own. He’d probably say, “Tame those traffic lights. They are your traffic lights,” or some such thing, or maybe he’d say, “Never mind watching the road. It is only with the heart that you can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Then, for sure, I’d smash the car into a pole or the side of a building. So, he’d say, “You couldn’t master this seeing with the heart thing, but you’ve tamed me anyway. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed.”

And he would cry over the broken car, or the pole, or the side of the building.

You see this is what happens when you get hung up on any one prince. You end up with a silly storyline.

Prompt: What makes us emotionally dependent on people or anything else? And do you think you might have emotional dependencies with or without being conscious of them?

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I guess our vulnerability is to blame to make us emotionally dependent on anyone to the degree that we can’t be happy alone.

Yet, no one is really alone in the world. In order to survive, we are always in contact with other people, be it for our physical needs. Then, as children, until we learn the ins and outs of the way of living in this world, we are dependent, emotionally and otherwise, on parents, teachers, and playmates.

A truly grown-up person should be able to handle his or her emotional dependencies and not become a psychological burden on anyone, even if they are life-partners, offspring, family, and friends.

And yes, I think we can become emotionally dependent on someone or something without being conscious of it. For example, I am emotionally dependent on reading and writing and my husband, although I wouldn’t bug him with any of my dependency needs. Some people fall apart when a relationship ends because they’ve become emotionally dependent on the other person and they can’t let go. The same goes for parents and children, in either direction.

In the long run, I believe it is fine to have some emotional dependency on those close to us, but for the same reason, if we are adults psychologically, we should be able to let those dependencies not choke or clobber the people we love.