Blog

Last day of class

It is going well. I still wait for the shoe to fall off. Some of this is due to the nature of going back to college and all hell breaking loose. The only difference is the main person Sharon could care less whether I go back to school. This is my narrative story. In the trauma narrative it was all about pleasing mom and making her proud, glad to have gave birth to me. And then when she chooses another sibling, my baby sister yet born over me, I am crushed and hurt very deeply. I had always tried to impress mom and getting back to school even as she picked me up from working at college, I was sure I was going to make her happy. I did not factor into the equation how important it was for her to give birth. I would have to take a back seat. And now I wait for the moment of sleep and wake to happen. Then there are moment of choice to enter. Do I wake up for class. Do I say the hell with it and retire and get social security, go back east or to kc. I have lots of choices I can make. I am not a victim. When there are no choices there is a feeling of being trapped and in a coffin state. God can break through and show me what is next. I can only know as I enter moment that God has for me. Time will tell and my story is still my story and truly anything can happen after I lift up my fingers from this keyboard. So I let God's spirit take over and trust God will be glorified because or in spite of me.