The Bologna Blog

Death

True life seems to be knocking at my door. I am loathed to answer the knock. I'm not a big fan of true life because it is painful and messy. People that you care about get sick and others are fighting battles of no return. Squeezing their hand, giving hugs, and sending prayers seem minimalistic. Watching people lose their fight after battling with such grace and determination sucks. Death comes for everyone, this I know, but the scales seem so unbalanced at times. I'm a nurse, so I understand and accept death on a daily basis. It doesn't make it any easier, only more common. I still cry with each passing, and because of my faith, I still say a prayer in my head.

I have a family member that refuses to do anything to maintain his health. He is like a cat with nine lives. He refuses to take his medications, check his blood sugars, or use his insulin. Then he calls to tell me he doesn't feel well. I care for him as I would anyone else, but I have a desire to kick his butt sometimes. He doesn't see how "bad" really is or can be. There are so many people losing the battle. If given the chance and ability, keep moving, keep kicking, and keep living. As they say, the alternative is not as enticing.

Yes, I believe in heaven. Yes, I believe it to be a place of beauty and wonder. God will call for me one day, but when I answer that call I want to say that I found my grace through living and caring. Death is not so much a destination as a journey to peace. May the pain fly away and may the love embrace, my friend.