Angel Whispers

A Short Respite

On the advice of Chanon I have used the gift points I have to purchase two months of membership, but after that I think there will be no solution but to drop to a basic membership and whatever that entails. I'll be upset to lose the items in my portfolio, particularly the blogs which record my life experiences from as far back as 2005. And what experiences they have been.

One reason I wanted stay on WDC as long as possible has been to read through all my blog entries for research purposes in order to progress with the book I am now determined to complete if possible. The journey was absorbing and interesting, but the pain almost unbearable at times. I have managed to export my blogs onto my computer, but of course they take on a very basic form with no photos or comments, but there's nothing I can do about that.

Whether the visits to the past are a factor I don't know, but I've been feeling rather low and tired of things lately. My son and grand monsters are presently on holiday in Thailand and much as I don't normally see them every day or depend on them a lot, I think it has made me realise how alone and vulnerable I am in this world.

I think I miss my husband more now than ever. I'm not a hypocrite and know my marriage was far from perfect, but our holidays, trips to America, times with family and friends seem so precious now and knowing there'll be no more is deeply upsetting. My life in my new home is better than where I lived previously, but being solely responsible for every task and bill takes its toll and accentuates my weaknesses.

I despise people obsessed by money, but we all need it to survive. Living on one pension instead of two makes things very tight. Council taxes, utility bills and basic every day needs do not alter a great deal when two becomes one and I struggle. There are many a lot worse off and I'm grateful for what I do have, but luxuries are now a thing of the past and the reason I cannot afford the WDC fees. The Lottery win still eludes me and always will.

I am not looking for another husband or a permanent relationship, but on the advice of a new friend from my writing group I explored the possibilities of dating sites for the more mature in years. Someone to share walks, meals, cinema, theatre and maybe the odd holiday appeals on some levels, but again the fees these sites charge are out of my range. Maybe I should start my own for duck lovers or old cynics.

But I am grateful for the many caring people I do have in my life, both male and female and the new friends I have made here through joining several groups. I'll be sad to downsize on WDC, but writing my book is now top priority and I may or may not manage to find a free blogging site in which to continue my rambles. This blog has helped me survive so many traumas and I will always appreciate that.

If anyone knows the winning Lottery numbers for any weeks between now and October please let me know.