The Bologna Blog

Siblings

And then there were four. The death of a sibling brings out a broad range of thoughts and emotions. First, the mind is flooded with childhood memories. Details of your youth are replayed on the small screen in a constant loop of repetition. Videos now playing in the mind have gathered dust, so at times appear grainy and untrue. Good times are highlighted but the past pains and sorrows are revisited as well. Sharing a path is the cause for the resurfacing of the mental road. Adjustments must be made, with pictures eventually straightened, to carry on without your path mate. Imagine handing someone a bouquet of five vibrant flowers, all varied in color and character. One unique bloom is picked silently from the bouquet. Are the flowers remaining still as vibrant? Do they cling together to offer a different view of the previous floral bundle? A sweet aroma of flowers in my mind awaits the answer.

Second, comes the unceasing voice of what could have been or should have dones. No matter how close or far apart, these sentiments will present themselves like a sharp knife against the throat. No relationship ever offers perfection. Waters are often muddied by simply caring. Independent people live independent lives. Inclusion in all facets of your life both past and present is a valuable commodity. Time travels by with or without you, keep the roads open and free from clutter.

Thirdly, sadness at a life lost. There will always be a missing element to our family. No longer will there be visits, calls, arguments, hugs, or holidays. He is no longer a father, brother, or uncle. He will no longer bash my political views. I will no longer be able to sweet talk, chide, or shame him into taking his medicines. He will no longer irritate me with his political rants or push for family drama. The give and take, love and hate, care and agitation have ended. There is sadness for the loss of our personal dynamics. We were brother and sister with a long history of living and sharing.