Complex Numbers

Demotivation

I don't respond well to motivation.

This isn't some manifestation of Oppositional Defiant Disorder or whatever the fuck they're calling mule-ass stubbornness these days. At least, I don't think it is. It's just that none of the usual tricks work on me.

Motivational messages, I've found, fall into two broad categories: ass-kicking, and ass-kissing.

Think of the former like a stereotypical drill sergeant. It's something like reverse psychology: "You're weak and you'll never amount to anything." It's usually meant to get you to prove them wrong. It doesn't work on me, because my response to that is something like, "You know, you're right. But so what?"

For the latter, the ass-kissing, I think of the classic kitten poster where the poor feline is about to fall off a branch. "Hang in there." No, I think I'll let go and give up; it's easier.

Whoever did that to a cat - even if it's only a matter of taking its picture rather than helping it - should be put in the same predicament.

But mostly, I think, it's a matter of comedy. Drill sergeants aren't funny. Cats hanging on by a thread are the polar opposite of funny.

And that's where demotivation comes in. These are messages that appear, on the surface, to be the opposite of motivating. But that's what makes them funny. Couple the message with what would, in other contexts, be an inspiring image, and you get comedy gold.

I'm not going to explain it any further, because the First Rule of Comedy is that if you have to explain it, it's not funny. You either get it or you don't. And if you don't, you're weak and you'll never amount to anything. But hey, hang in there.