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Pain in My chest

I feel out of sorts lately. I think I am realizing my time is limited. I have and yet it feels unstable. I realize I could be fired for any reason. I am dispensable. I am getting older and can be thrown away like so much trash.
There are days I feel stronger than others. I went to visit at a nursing home and felt strength. Yet in the grand scheme of things where do I belong? I am away from my kids. My brothers and sisters are far away and their are days my wife feels like more of an enemy than a friend. She easily finds fault.
I look back at a painful time in my life when I was at a state hospital. How much longer do I want to dwell on that. I was there eight months that felt like eternity. I survived and maybe I will make it thru another day. God willing the Pain in my chest can be opportunity to love myself. I right my own ship by writing. God will provide.