Can We Talk 2

Another Chapter in Life

         The doctor sat down very calmly. I had been called in, I thought, for a follow-up after a procedure. She was warm and pleasant as always, but cut to the chase.

         :The news is not good. You have cancer."

         My heart sank. I had known it was a remote possibility, therefore the procedure. I just assumed it would be okay. These have to be the nastiest words a doctor can say to you.

         Since then, I have been to a cancer specialist in this field. I've been told that if you have to have cancer, I have the most curable, most treatable kind. But they also tell you all the possible things that can wrong during the next procedure. In the week in between seeing doctors, my mind somehow got stuck on all the worst case scenarios. I don't want to be a Pollyanna, then be shocked later on, or be an ostrich with my head in the sand. It would be possible to focus only on the positive things, like major surgery is safer than driving anywhere. I finally just decided whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to lie awake at night worrying about accidents with lymph nodes, or puncturing other organs. Why waste the time I have worrying about possibilities?

         The surgeon is going to remove a lot of body parts, using robotics and laparoscopic incisions. When I mentioned four little incisions at church that won't even be stitched up afterwards, someone used the term non-invasive. I've been telling myself that this teacher just doesn't know what non-invasive means, but it has stuck in my head, gnawing at me. It is a very invasive surgery. A colonoscopy is invasive (not what I'm doing), but there are no incisions. I guess it uses robotics, since the doctor uses a camera and tools to evaluate and repair nine feet of coiled up colon. For my surgery, the small incisions will allow the insertion of tools and a camera to go in and cut loose two lymph nodes and organs I've been very fond of. Excuse me for being blunt, they will be removed trans-vaginally. In my layperson's mind, That is extremely invasive! Medically, it's consider M.I.S. (minimally invasive surgery).Using robotics, they will give me internal stitches which can be undone accidentally by me. I won't be able to lift, push, etc., just like any external wound. Even normal body functions can cause a return trip to the OR.

         I plan to be extremely lazy and gentle while I'm healing. I can walk around, even climb stairs slowly. No driving, sweeping, lifting laundry. I have to take digestive aids to make sure there's no pressure on my mid-section. I will have to wait about ten days before the lab knows what stage of cancer it is, or whether the doctor thinks she got all of it.

         Tomorrow I'm changing the sheets on all the beds, vacuuming, and running a few errands. It might be three or four weeks before I do it again. I'm stocked up on soup, tuna, and canned chicken. I have promises from my nieces to take my aging father shopping once a week, just so he gets out of the house and can buy his snack foods. I'll be able to drive two weeks after, but won't be able to carry the packages to or from the car. If I can't find a ride to the doctor during that two weeks, I'll call a cab. I'm going to work on a positive attitude, and not focus on the negative aspects. I am a strong person, but I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. I'm soaking up all the prayers and concern from others like a sponge. It keeps me going.