Conquistadora

Chapter 4

Sharky Suarez was flanked by his girlfriend Cameron Chavez on his right, and on his left and her right were his friends Nacho, Chuy, Gordo, and Gordo's girlfriend Flaca as they walked the hallways of Rio Hondo community college in Whittier passing out fliers.

"This party is going to be huge!" said Sharky.

"There's something I don't understand," said Gordo. "If it's free to anyone who isn't Mexican, then why are you charging Mexicans three dollars to attend? This is going to be our night of victory as a race, I think we should get in for free!"

"Don't you get it?" said Sharky. "I want to invite as many whites, blacks, and Asians as possible! Don't you want to see them shrink? By letting them into the party on Friday night for free, we're enticing them to show up! I've talked to a lot of my white friends, and a lot of them think this whole thing is a hoax!"

"I guess that's a good plan!" said Gordo.

A burly Mexican chick who was built nicely walked up to Sharky. She had a couple of hot friends with her. "A party at your place this Friday? I'll be there!" She took a flier.

"I'll see you there, Anastasia," said Sharky. "But what about you two?"

Anastasia's two friends nodded their heads in unison and each of them took a flier.

"I'm looking forward to seeing all of you there!" said Sharky. "We're gonna see some people shrink that night!"

As Anastasia and her friends left, Soledad showed up.

"A party at our house Friday night?" Soledad asked as she took a flier that Nacho handed her. "Why was I the last to know about this?"

As Soledad walked away, Nacho asked Sharky: "Should I proclaim my love to Soledad?"

"She already knows you're in love with her," said Sharky. "I told her already."

"How did she react?" Nacho asked.

"Not well," Sharky replied.

Soledad returned with two of her friends, Summer's Moon and another girl, and they both each took a flier.

"You know what I'm worried about?" said Soledad. "What if there aren't enough shrunken people to go around? What if some people collect most of them, and not everyone gets enough?"

"You're really evil," said Gordo. "You're not even worried about their safety, you're only concerned with yourself." Gordo turned his head to face Nacho. "You shouldn't be in love with a woman like that, she's evil!"

"By the way Nacho," said Soledad, "I know that you're in love with me, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm not interested!" Soledad grabbed a handful of fliers and said, "I'll help pass some of these out!" Then she turned and walked away with her friends.

"I don't care how evil she is!" said Nacho. "I can change her and make her pure of heart!"

The group started laughing at Nacho for saying this.

"I don't think you understand enough about women yet," said Cameron. "If she has her mind made up that she doesn't like you, then you might as well move on!"

"I'll never give up on my love for Soledad!" said Nacho.

"It would be cuter if she was in love with you," said Cameron. "I really think you're beating your head against a brick wall with this, Nacho! You need to get over her!"

"I wish I could find a love potion and get her to drink it!" said Nacho. "Then I could make her fall in love with me!"

"Knowing Soledad," said Chuy, "after she drank the love potion, she would probably look in a mirror and fall in love with herself!"

"That should happen to Narcisa Navarro!" said Flaca. "Her name is derived from Narcissus, a character in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own reflection!"

"I wouldn't bad-mouth Narcisa in any way," said Sharky. "Now that she's an Amazon trooper she carries a lot of weight, and you wouldn't want it to get back to her that you're talking behind her back!"

"You're right!" said Flaca. "I keep forgetting that we're about to enter a new world order, and the old rules of the constitution don't necessarily apply any more!"

Just then, a white guy showed up. "Can I have a flier?" he asked.

"Yeah!" said Sharky.

"Is it okay if I show up to the party?" the white guy asked.

"The more the merrier!" said Sharky. "Bring some friends!"

"I don't believe that Conquistadora chick can really shrink anyone," said the white guy. "I think it's all a hoax."

"So can we count on you being at the party?" Sharky asked.

"I'll be there!" said the guy, and he walked away with a flier.

As the group came to a turn, they saw Soledad again. She was passing out fliers to a group of college students. Sharky noticed a tear on Nacho's cheek as he stared at Soledad.

"Come on, Nacho!" said Sharky. "Are we going to have to get you some counseling? You weren't always like this! When did you first know you were in love with Soledad?"

"That night I saw her get out of the jacuzzi in her bikini for the first time. That was the first time I ever saw her belly button!"

"When was this?" Sharky asked. "You've seen her get out of that jacuzzi I don't know how many times!"

"It was right after she graduated from high school!" said Nacho.

"Graduation?" Sharky asked. "That was almost six months ago! Can't you snap back to the way you were before you fell in love with her?"

"Never again!" said Nacho. "To know her is to love her!"

"That's what they said about Sandra Dee!" said Sharky.

"Who?" Nacho asked.

"Some chick in an old surfer flick from the fifties," said Sharky. "Her name was Gidget. But I seriously want to get to the bottom of this, Nacho! You're my home-boy! You shouldn't be like this!"

"You can't sway me," said Nacho. "I'm full-on in love with her, and nothing can ever change that!"

"Don't even waste your time, Sharky!" said Gordo. "He's love-sick, and none of us can convince him! He's just going to have to figure it out the hard way that he could be out boning down on some primo heinas during the time he was lamenting about Soledad! All fools wise up eventually, it's just a matter of time!"

Sharky's friend Chuy spoke up: "I think Nacho has lust confused with love! You're sister is pretty hot, Sharky!"

Just then Flora walked up the hall and saw Sharky passing out fliers. "What's going on?" Flora asked.

"I'm throwing a party at my house on Friday night! It's three dollars for Mexicans, and it's free for anyone who's not Latino."

"Is there going to be beer there?" Flora asked.

"Of course!" said Sharky. "I bought the keg before I even printed up these fliers!"

"I can't believe you guys are blatantly passing out fliers advertising a party at school!" said Flora. "Don't you know you could get busted?"

Sharky responded: "Gordo thinks this school is going to shut down after Friday, because there are too many non-Latino faculty members, and too many non-Latino teachers who won't be around any more."

"You could still get busted before then, though." said Flora.

"Who cares about that," said Sharky. "Flora, are you coming to my party? We invited a lot of white people and we're gonna watch them shrink!"

"I'll be there," said Flora.

"Be sure to bring that hot friend of yours," said Chuy, "Rica Luna!"

"I always party with Rica!" said Flora. "If I go to the party, it just goes without saying that Rica is coming along, too. Can I bring my friend Vikki?"

"Bring as many people as you can," said Sharky. "Isn't your friend Vikki De La Cruz the daughter of Professor De la Cruz, the scientist who interviewed the Conquistadora on television?"

"The one and the same," said Flora. "I've known her since grade school. Hey, can you waive the three dollar fee for me and my friends since I know you?" Flora asked.

"Everybody I know is asking me that," said Sharky, "so to be fair, I have to charge everyone. Even Gordo, Nacho, and Chuy have to pay to get into the party, and they're my best friends!"

"I'll just give you my three dollars now," said Flora as she dug into her purse. "Here's six more dollars for Rica and Vikki!"

Sharky took the money and said, "See you at the party on Friday!"

"Oh, and one more thing," said Flora, "I won't be able to show up to the party until after 9:00, because I have to wait for my cousin Nick to shrink! I want to bring him to the party with me. He's supposed to shrink down to one centimeter tall!"

Meanwhile, while Sharky and his crew were scouring the campus for potential revelers, Nick was back at York park waiting in line to see Narcisa. When it was his turn in line, he spoke to her: "Hi, are you the real Narcisa, or a hologram?"

"I'm the real one. You're Nick, right? Flora's cousin?"

"Yes!" said Nick. "I wanted to talk to you about something. My mother is half-white and half Native American and she got a full-size transponder card because she was married to my dad and she had children with him. Shouldn't it make sense that I get a full-size transponder card, too? I'm a quarter Mexican!"

"The rules are crystal clear," said Narcisa. "It might seem weird, but people like you just fell through the margins when the Conquistadora drafted these rules! I'm sorry, I can't help you!"

When Nick got home he slammed the front door. His cousin Flora and his Aunt Irene and Uncle Roland were in the living room.

"I still couldn't convince Narcisa to change her mind!" said Nick. "That pisses me off!"

"I'm pissed off, too!" said Flora.

"About what?" Nick asked.

"Most of my teachers are getting shrunk Friday night, so this whole semester will have been for nothing! I wish the Conquistadora would've waited until the end of the semester to change the world!"

"You think you've got problems?" said Nick. "Look at me! I'm going to be toy-sized Friday night at 9:00 sharp!" Nick walked out of the room and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

"I'm surprised you're not concerned about the safety of your teachers who are getting shrunk, Flora." said Irene. "I think you're being really selfish!"

"I'll go try to make Nick feel better!" said Flora as she got up from the couch and walked to Nick's room and knocked on the door.

"Nick, guess what?"

"Come in!" said Nick from behind the door, and Flora opened it and walked in.

"Sharky is throwing a party Friday night, and I was wondering if you wanted me to take you there after you shrink."

"Is Rica going to be there?" Nick asked.

"Yes, of course she is!" said Flora.

"The yeah, sure!" said Nick. "Just make sure she doesn't swallow me. I think you should keep your friend Vikki around to protect me in case Rica gets crazy."

"Why would Rica swallow you?" Flora sked.

"She jokes around about it a lot, and I think she might actually try it if she got drunk enough," said Nick.

"Nobody is going to swallow you, Nick!" said Flora. "Quit trippin'!"

"I'm not trippin' Flora, this is a very real issue! I'm going to be small enough to fit inside someone's mouth!"

"If Rica swallowed you, she would be betraying me, and she's been my best friend since the fifth grade! And even if she did accidentally swallow you, Vikki told me she bought some of that shit that makes you puke!"

"Syrup of ipecac!" said Nick. "That reminds me, we need to hit up all the drug stores we can and buy as much of that stuff as we can, because it might not be available after Friday night when everyone gets shrunk!"

"I can take you shopping right now," said Flora. "If you've got the cash."

"Yeah, I've got money," said Nick. "Let's go!"

A short while later, Flora's car pulled up outside a CVS pharmacy not far from their house. Flora and Nick walked into the store. Nick walked up and down the aisles while Flora went straight to the counter and asked the salesperson.

"It's on this aisle!" said Flora.

When they found the syrup of ipecac, Nick tried to grab every single box there.

"Leave some for other people, Nick!" said Flora. "It might be important for other people who have shrunken family members!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right!" said Nick, and he only purchased three boxes.

To Be Continued!Sharky Suarez was flanked by his girlfriend Cameron Chavez on his right, and on his left and her right were his friends Nacho, Chuy, Gordo, and Gordo's girlfriend Flaca as they walked the hallways of Rio Hondo community college in Whittier passing out fliers.

"This party is going to be huge!" said Sharky.

"There's something I don't understand," said Gordo. "If it's free to anyone who isn't Mexican, then why are you charging Mexicans three dollars to attend? This is going to be our night of victory as a race, I think we should get in for free!"

"Don't you get it?" said Sharky. "I want to invite as many whites, blacks, and Asians as possible! Don't you want to see them shrink? By letting them into the party on Friday night for free, we're enticing them to show up! I've talked to a lot of my white friends, and a lot of them think this whole thing is a hoax!"

"I guess that's a good plan!" said Gordo.

A burly Mexican chick who was built nicely walked up to Sharky. She had a couple of hot friends with her. "A party at your place this Friday? I'll be there!" She took a flier.

"I'll see you there, Anastasia," said Sharky. "But what about you two?"

Anastasia's two friends nodded their heads in unison and each of them took a flier.

"I'm looking forward to seeing all of you there!" said Sharky. "We're gonna see some people shrink that night!"

As Anastasia and her friends left, Soledad showed up.

"A party at our house Friday night?" Soledad asked as she took a flier that Nacho handed her. "Why was I the last to know about this?"

As Soledad walked away, Nacho asked Sharky: "Should I proclaim my love to Soledad?"

"She already knows you're in love with her," said Sharky. "I told her already."

"How did she react?" Nacho asked.

"Not well," Sharky replied.

Soledad returned with two of her friends, Summer's Moon and another girl, and they both each took a flier.

"You know what I'm worried about?" said Soledad. "What if there aren't enough shrunken people to go around? What if some people collect most of them, and not everyone gets enough?"

"You're really evil," said Gordo. "You're not even worried about their safety, you're only concerned with yourself." Gordo turned his head to face Nacho. "You shouldn't be in love with a woman like that, she's evil!"

"By the way Nacho," said Soledad, "I know that you're in love with me, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm not interested!" Soledad grabbed a handful of fliers and said, "I'll help pass some of these out!" Then she turned and walked away with her friends.

"I don't care how evil she is!" said Nacho. "I can change her and make her pure of heart!"

The group started laughing at Nacho for saying this.

"I don't think you understand enough about women yet," said Cameron. "If she has her mind made up that she doesn't like you, then you might as well move on!"

"I'll never give up on my love for Soledad!" said Nacho.

"It would be cuter if she was in love with you," said Cameron. "I really think you're beating your head against a brick wall with this, Nacho! You need to get over her!"

"I wish I could find a love potion and get her to drink it!" said Nacho. "Then I could make her fall in love with me!"

"Knowing Soledad," said Chuy, "after she drank the love potion, she would probably look in a mirror and fall in love with herself!"

"That should happen to Narcisa Navarro!" said Flaca. "Her name is derived from Narcissus, a character in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own reflection!"

"I wouldn't bad-mouth Narcisa in any way," said Sharky. "Now that she's an Amazon trooper she carries a lot of weight, and you wouldn't want it to get back to her that you're talking behind her back!"

"You're right!" said Flaca. "I keep forgetting that we're about to enter a new world order, and the old rules of the constitution don't necessarily apply any more!"

Just then, a white guy showed up. "Can I have a flier?" he asked.

"Yeah!" said Sharky.

"Is it okay if I show up to the party?" the white guy asked.

"The more the merrier!" said Sharky. "Bring some friends!"

"I don't believe that Conquistadora chick can really shrink anyone," said the white guy. "I think it's all a hoax."

"So can we count on you being at the party?" Sharky asked.

"I'll be there!" said the guy, and he walked away with a flier.

As the group came to a turn, they saw Soledad again. She was passing out fliers to a group of college students. Sharky noticed a tear on Nacho's cheek as he stared at Soledad.

"Come on, Nacho!" said Sharky. "Are we going to have to get you some counseling? You weren't always like this! When did you first know you were in love with Soledad?"

"That night I saw her get out of the jacuzzi in her bikini for the first time. That was the first time I ever saw her belly button!"

"When was this?" Sharky asked. "You've seen her get out of that jacuzzi I don't know how many times!"

"It was right after she graduated from high school!" said Nacho.

"Graduation?" Sharky asked. "That was almost six months ago! Can't you snap back to the way you were before you fell in love with her?"

"Never again!" said Nacho. "To know her is to love her!"

"That's what they said about Sandra Dee!" said Sharky.

"Who?" Nacho asked.

"Some chick in an old surfer flick from the fifties," said Sharky. "Her name was Gidget. But I seriously want to get to the bottom of this, Nacho! You're my home-boy! You shouldn't be like this!"

"You can't sway me," said Nacho. "I'm full-on in love with her, and nothing can ever change that!"

"Don't even waste your time, Sharky!" said Gordo. "He's love-sick, and none of us can convince him! He's just going to have to figure it out the hard way that he could be out boning down on some primo heinas during the time he was lamenting about Soledad! All fools wise up eventually, it's just a matter of time!"

Sharky's friend Chuy spoke up: "I think Nacho has lust confused with love! You're sister is pretty hot, Sharky!"

Just then Flora walked up the hall and saw Sharky passing out fliers. "What's going on?" Flora asked.

"I'm throwing a party at my house on Friday night! It's three dollars for Mexicans, and it's free for anyone who's not Latino."

"Is there going to be beer there?" Flora asked.

"Of course!" said Sharky. "I bought the keg before I even printed up these fliers!"

"I can't believe you guys are blatantly passing out fliers advertising a party at school!" said Flora. "Don't you know you could get busted?"

Sharky responded: "Gordo thinks this school is going to shut down after Friday, because there are too many non-Latino faculty members, and too many non-Latino teachers who won't be around any more."

"You could still get busted before then, though." said Flora.

"Who cares about that," said Sharky. "Flora, are you coming to my party? We invited a lot of white people and we're gonna watch them shrink!"

"I'll be there," said Flora.

"Be sure to bring that hot friend of yours," said Chuy, "Rica Luna!"

"I always party with Rica!" said Flora. "If I go to the party, it just goes without saying that Rica is coming along, too. Can I bring my friend Vikki?"

"Bring as many people as you can," said Sharky. "Isn't your friend Vikki De La Cruz the daughter of Professor De la Cruz, the scientist who interviewed the Conquistadora on television?"

"The one and the same," said Flora. "I've known her since grade school. Hey, can you waive the three dollar fee for me and my friends since I know you?" Flora asked.

"Everybody I know is asking me that," said Sharky, "so to be fair, I have to charge everyone. Even Gordo, Nacho, and Chuy have to pay to get into the party, and they're my best friends!"

"I'll just give you my three dollars now," said Flora as she dug into her purse. "Here's six more dollars for Rica and Vikki!"

Sharky took the money and said, "See you at the party on Friday!"

"Oh, and one more thing," said Flora, "I won't be able to show up to the party until after 9:00, because I have to wait for my cousin Nick to shrink! I want to bring him to the party with me. He's supposed to shrink down to one centimeter tall!"

Meanwhile, while Sharky and his crew were scouring the campus for potential revelers, Nick was back at York park waiting in line to see Narcisa. When it was his turn in line, he spoke to her: "Hi, are you the real Narcisa, or a hologram?"

"I'm the real one. You're Nick, right? Flora's cousin?"

"Yes!" said Nick. "I wanted to talk to you about something. My mother is half-white and half Native American and she got a full-size transponder card because she was married to my dad and she had children with him. Shouldn't it make sense that I get a full-size transponder card, too? I'm a quarter Mexican!"

"The rules are crystal clear," said Narcisa. "It might seem weird, but people like you just fell through the margins when the Conquistadora drafted these rules! I'm sorry, I can't help you!"

When Nick got home he slammed the front door. His cousin Flora and his Aunt Irene and Uncle Roland were in the living room.

"I still couldn't convince Narcisa to change her mind!" said Nick. "That pisses me off!"

"I'm pissed off, too!" said Flora.

"About what?" Nick asked.

"Most of my teachers are getting shrunk Friday night, so this whole semester will have been for nothing! I wish the Conquistadora would've waited until the end of the semester to change the world!"

"You think you've got problems?" said Nick. "Look at me! I'm going to be toy-sized Friday night at 9:00 sharp!" Nick walked out of the room and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

"I'm surprised you're not concerned about the safety of your teachers who are getting shrunk, Flora." said Irene. "I think you're being really selfish!"

"I'll go try to make Nick feel better!" said Flora as she got up from the couch and walked to Nick's room and knocked on the door.

"Nick, guess what?"

"Come in!" said Nick from behind the door, and Flora opened it and walked in.

"Sharky is throwing a party Friday night, and I was wondering if you wanted me to take you there after you shrink."

"Is Rica going to be there?" Nick asked.

"Yes, of course she is!" said Flora.

"The yeah, sure!" said Nick. "Just make sure she doesn't swallow me. I think you should keep your friend Vikki around to protect me in case Rica gets crazy."

"Why would Rica swallow you?" Flora sked.

"She jokes around about it a lot, and I think she might actually try it if she got drunk enough," said Nick.

"Nobody is going to swallow you, Nick!" said Flora. "Quit trippin'!"

"I'm not trippin' Flora, this is a very real issue! I'm going to be small enough to fit inside someone's mouth!"

"If Rica swallowed you, she would be betraying me, and she's been my best friend since the fifth grade! And even if she did accidentally swallow you, Vikki told me she bought some of that shit that makes you puke!"

"Syrup of ipecac!" said Nick. "That reminds me, we need to hit up all the drug stores we can and buy as much of that stuff as we can, because it might not be available after Friday night when everyone gets shrunk!"

"I can take you shopping right now," said Flora. "If you've got the cash."

"Yeah, I've got money," said Nick. "Let's go!"

A short while later, Flora's car pulled up outside a CVS pharmacy not far from their house. Flora and Nick walked into the store. Nick walked up and down the aisles while Flora went straight to the counter and asked the salesperson.

"It's on this aisle!" said Flora.

When they found the syrup of ipecac, Nick tried to grab every single box there.

"Leave some for other people, Nick!" said Flora. "It might be important for other people who have shrunken family members!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right!" said Nick, and he only purchased three boxes.

To Be Continued!