Complex Numbers

Frittered Away

I'm adding in some prompts from "JAFBG"  [XGC] for now, because December.

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  [13+]:
2. Today is National Fritters Day!
Write about your fave and if you haven't had fritters, would you like to try one?

"JAFBG"  [XGC]:
What is the most overrated holiday movie of all time? What should people watch instead?

Every holiday movie is overrated. Yes, even that one. That one, too. All of them.

Which doesn't mean they all suck, exactly, but way too much sentimentality is attached to all of them, beyond their worth as stories. They achieve an unwarranted mythological status; hence, the overrated bit.

But right now, and for the last oh, 40 years or so, I've considered the most overrated holiday movie to be Rudolph.

I ranted about that animated piece of drivel way back in 2007, and since then, I've seen these sentiments echoed elsewhere on the internet. I'm not saying people have copied off of me; I don't have that kind of reach. But it annoys me that something that I invented, this way of looking at a certain crimson-schnozzed reindeer, was popularized by someone else. I mean, it's like, way back in the 80s I invented a trick at fraternity parties where I'd hold two solo cups full of beer in each hand -- okay, it wasn't what I'd call beer these days, but I thought it was in my youth -- and let the sparkling amber contents fountain from cup to cup to cup to cup, eventually reaching my eager lips.

I mention the beer cascade thing because a few years back, I saw a picture of someone doing this with a caption like THIS MAN IS A GOD AMONG MEN and I got really pissed off because I INVENTED THE BEER CASCADE DAMMIT.

Pant. Pant. Pant. Deep breath. Okay, moving on. Where was I? Right, Rudolph.

Here's the original Rudolph Rant in all its glory, rated GC for dirty words:

The Rudolph Rant  (GC) I ain't guiding no sleigh! #1347370 by Robert Waltz

Now, I'm not entirely immune to feeling joy during the holiday season; it's just that everything about it, not just the movies, is overrated. But there are things I like about it too. One of them is a tradition I've had for the last, oh, must be nearly 15 years now, which was to go to a friend's house every December and attend their holiday party, which celebrates Hanukkah and Christmas. As a kid, I celebrated Hanukkah, and there was one part of that holiday I enjoyed above all else. Okay, above all else except all the presents. I'm talking, of course, about latkes. And my friend makes a mean latke.

It was easy at first, because they lived in the Northeast, a quick drive or train ride away. Then they upped and moved to California, which is a little harder for me to get to, but I managed. Every. Year.

Until... of course... this fucking year.

So it falls to me to make my own latkes for once. When I was a kid, we cheated and used store-bought latke mix because my mother, who was a wonderful person in many ways, was a ridiculously terrible cook. This year, I found a recipe that looks promising, although it also looks like a lot of work, and we all know how I feel about work. For latkes, though... it might just be worth it.

Right now a bunch of you have either already googled it, or are asking "wtf is a latke?" Well, I'm here to enlighten. Latkes are like fritters: vegetables shredded and mushed together and fried. Historically, whatever vegetables were available were used: carrots, parsnips, turnips, whatever. Jews in ghettos in Europe couldn't exactly be picky. Nowadays, the go-to vegetable for latkes is the potato, which, well, to be fair, didn't exist in Europe for a long time, but once it did, boy did Europeans take over that shit.

Anyway, basically you shred the potatoes, mix in some onions and seasonings, and fry those suckers up in a quarter-inch of oil. The oil is important, see, because it symbolizes the oil in the lamp in the temple where the Hanukkah miracle happened. (Everything symbolizes something. Metaphors are fun!) But it's also important because it's not a latke unless it's fried. None of this healthy vegan namby-pamby air-fry bullshit. FRIED. IN OIL. ONLY.

Lots of cultures have similar things, like pakora in India for example, one of my favorite fried foods. Hell, Japanese tempura can be considered in the same class or family of culinary creations.

I mean, really, who hasn't had fritters of one sort or another? Unfortunately, I won't have the ingredients for any of them today, so I can't celebrate National Fritters Day as the gods intended. I guess I'll just have to watch a movie instead, though not a holiday one. Yeah, yeah, I know, latkes aren't technically fritters. So what? I say they count, and I INVENTED THE BEER CASCADE. If you're not careful I will explain exactly why a hot dog isn't a sandwich.

Oh, and the one holiday movie that's less overrated than all the others?

Die Hard, of course.

Yippie-ki-yay.