%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Being a stay at home mom is never as cut and dry as you think it is. |
|
Originally my pregnancy blog, now continuing on as the life of a mom and her two wacky kiddos thing till I don't want to write in it anymore  . So come on in and see what's going on in my world for a bit if you like...Be careful where you step, as the kids have all their Pokemon cards out! Feel free to hug a Hello Kitty plush! Come join in the fun, Super Mario Bros. and Hello Kitty style!![Merit Badge in Parenting
[Click For More Info]
Congratulations on your pregnancy*^*Smile*^*. You already are a wonderful mom to your son and I know this baby will be very blessed also
*^*Heart*^*SS](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Parenting-1180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Family
[Click For More Info]
In the midst of how you are feeling right now, know that it can be fixed & I'm proud of you for writing the poem that reflects how you feel. The love of your children clearly shines through. *^*Heart*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Family-584.gif) ![Merit Badge in Journaling
[Click For More Info]
I'm so glad to be back blogging and reading yours. The kids have grown so much! I'm so glad that you, myself and T are still here journaling together!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) the wonderful badges my "Sister", silversara, graced me with. Thanks Sis, I  you! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thanks to all of you for your support, your comments, your love, your generosity and your time! Never met a greater bunch of people then on here! Besides, who else would want to listen to a rambling crazy mom, both during and especially after pregnancy?
 |
| We had another IEP meeting today. It has been determined that Journey needs special ed services, and we will be drafting an IEP on January 5th. This is going to help out greatly I hope, and it's something I hoped would happen sooner, but either way I'm glad it's happening. i don't exactly know what they're going to do for her in the special ed department, but I know they're going to be working with her every day or every week, one or the other. I wasn't quite clear on the details. I wonder what this means for the appointment with the developmental pediatrician though. I don't know what the prognosis is going to be, and I would like to have one, but...I don't know. The biggest thing I needed was for the school to be aware and do something about it, which they are. That was the most important part. I'm trying to teach Journey how to read. So far I've got her sight recognizing the word cat. It's a start. Sorry, I just don't feel like writing today. I'm super tired. The meeting was early today, and I haven't gotten much sleep last night or this morning. Hope to write more about this another time. |
| I got a call this morning, but I wasn't awake to answer it. I checked the caller ID and it said my Sis's last name on it. Curious, I noticed there was a message. I called voice messaging, and heard my Sis say to get on WdC, that she had a surprise for me. I now have a premium membership! All thanks to my Sis! What a wonderful Christmas present!! My membership for my upgrade was actually going to expire at the end of this month, so Sis gifted it to me just in time! A million thanks to my Sis Nicole, for the wonderful and generous gift!! I love you Sis, thank you so much for the wonderful present!!  By the way, count on seeing me a bit more in December. We're getting reports back on Journey's testing with the special ed teacher on her development and with the language/speech pathologist, as well as having another IEP meeting, and then meeting up with the developmental pediatrician. I'm going to be a busy girl this month. Lots of information coming along. Thanks Sis! Love you! |
| Today is a monumental day! I must write it down so I'll never forget it! Today I sent Journey into school with panties on. And she came back bone dry. She's been dry all day. No accidents or ANYTHING. Today, I consider my daughter potty trained! SUCCESS!! VICTORY IS OURS!!! I think she's been potty trained since the end of October. She was keeping her pull up dry for the longest time during that time. But then we fell into the trap of putting her pull up on her and she would pee it. It was safe and comfortable for her, she was used to it. For the last three weekends, we've been putting her in panties all weekend (sans overnight. She's not ready for panties overnight yet. She goes when she doesn't even know it, and I'm not going to send her into bed knowingly that way when she'll have an accident. I'd rather make sure she's taken care of overnight), and she would stay dry. I never took her out of the house that way, but I left her in panties for her to get the idea. She never once wet them. So then yesterday she came home with a wet pull up. I was upset, but I told her to throw the pull up away and get panties on instead. I then had her put her jeans on and left her in panties the rest of the night until bedtime. She did perfectly. Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to go to school in panties, and she said no, she wanted to go int a pull up. So, I let her go in a pull up. Today, after she felt what it was like to be in jeans and panties yesterday, I asked her if she would go in panties instead. She agreed, and thus has been dry all day. Not even one accident! I sent her in extra clothes and let the teacher know to send her to the bathroom before school ended so she would have less of a chance to have an accident as we walked home, and she did perfectly fine! I'm so proud of her! This is one of the proudest days we've had with Journey! What an accomplishment! I'm so thrilled! So it's panties from here on out. Journey will be in them every day now. I'm ecstatic! |
| We had Journey's first IEP meeting last month. A lot of things were agreed upon, and it felt good to have her teacher in there with us talking about the trouble that she was having in the classroom. She was able to agree with us on many parts, and it felt good to have someone that understands what we were saying agree with us, and be taken seriously. It was nice to be told that something was going to be done too. They're going to be doing some evaluations on her through the school, and we'll hear of the findings that they have on another IEP meeting on December 8th. That's going to happen 7 days before her appointment with the developmental pediatrician. Then we'll be able to tell the school what the developmental pediatrician says as well. Truth be told, I'm having panic attacks that the developmental pediatrician is going to tell us there's nothing wrong with her, that she's just slow. It worries me a lot, because I know there's a lot more going on with her than people are willing to admit. Her teacher sees it every day and knows that there's something going on with her as well. I just don't want the doctor to see her for a few minutes and say "Your fears are unfounded, there's nothing wrong with her. You let her watch too much T.V. She's just slow." I'll be very upset if that's the case. I know there's something more going on with her. I just don't know what it is. That's what I'm looking to him for. And now for a funny: Journey came home the other day talking about bears. Her class had just discussed bears, as they all brought teddy bears from home into school to make bear caves out off paper grocery bags for the bears to hibernate in. I'm assuming that the teacher was telling them about the different bears, because Journey came home talking about different bears. "There's black bears and polar bears and giant panda bears and Mom, there's crystally bears too!" I stopped for a moment, trying to consider what she had just said. I'm assuming she means grizzly bears, but I thought it was adorable how she called it a "crystally" bear. She insists on correcting Ryan every time he corrects her, as though there is such a bear called a crystally bear. So cute! |
| We went to the parent/teacher conferences on Monday. Journey's was first. Her teacher, whom I have been communicating with openly since the beginning of the school year, had much of the same to say to us as she does in her emails to me. It was nice to let Don hear it in person though. She's still doing a lot of the same things...having trouble with sitting on the carpet and paying attention, listening to story time, following direction on lessons, wandering from her center, not interacting with the other children, not making any eye contact with anyone, answering "Yes" to questions that don't even have a yes or no answer, having fine motor skill issues, still having potty issues and not going during the school day, and needing one on one attention while she's working, She at first threw out that there might be some ADHD problems and have we got her tested for that yet, when Don and I suggested that Journey may be mildly autistic. She nodded her head and said "That's what I'm leaning towards too." We discussed how there's a pre-k special ed for autistic kids within the school, and that the school has aides for autistic children within the school. "Don't worry, you're working to catch it soon, and even though a diagnosis takes time, you'll be able to get her help. You're on the right path," her teacher assured us. That was good to hear coming from her. Sometimes I feel like this roller coaster is never going to make it to the end, the part where we finally get some sort of diagnosis to tell us what's going on with our little girl. It feels so far away, and so uncertain. I'm the type of person that needs certainty, so this not knowing thing is killing me. The teacher told us that there are some skills that she has, such as she's able to identify almost ALL upper case and lower case letters. She's able to recognize numbers to ten. She's almost able to count straight through to 20. These are skills that she has. I told the teacher that I was very patient with Journey when I taught her these things. We have wooden puzzles that have the numbers 1-10 on them, and all kinds of shapes on them, and the entire alphabet in upper case on them. I taught her lower case from flash cards. I taught her to count to 20 from route, counting the stairs as we went down them. When I was doing this, I wasn't sure that she was getting anything out if it, and it felt as though she wasn't paying attention when I was trying to teach her all of this, but she surprised both the teacher and me when she proved that she does know this information and she can point it out when asked. She also explained how they get Journey lunch every day, but Journey rarely eats it. I advised that I don't feed Journey other than a yogurt or a banana or some toast before she goes to school (and those three things I feed her in the morning) to make sure that she eats lunch. Then we talked about how it might be a texture issue with her, and how I painstakingly had to work with her for the better part of three years to get her to eat the same dinners as the rest of us. "You're an excellent mommy," her teacher said. I was nearly in tears. To hear someone that's not a part of my family tell me this, to feel validated in everything I'm trying to do for my daughter, meant a lot to me. I would do anything for my daughter, to make sure that she has the tools she needs to be successful. I will climb any mountain with her to get her to where she needs to be, with help or with whatever she can get. I will go to Baltimore numerous times to get her evaluated and tested and scanned as many times as it takes until we can get the diagnosis the school needs to get her the help that she needs. I will do whatever it takes that's within my power for her. How could I not? To be told that really meant a lot to me. I felt it was high praise for all the work I've been doing. I'd like to think that it's the same work that any loving mom would do for their child. I am no exception. Ryan's conference went wonderfully. He's very ahead in math and does math enrichment (I get to be the one that does math enrichment with him! I volunteered for his classroom, so I do Sunshine Math with the kids every Tuesday, and Ryan is one of the ones to always get to come out because he's so advanced in math!), and does reading enrichment with another group. He does spelling and vocabulary enrichment with extra words every week. His teacher said he's a great student who does well, is very involved, loves to read, and is excited about being there. It's always good to hear how great he's doing in class! I'm very proud of him for all that he accomplishes! His teacher really loves him, which I'm thrilled about. She's a really nice teacher...there seem to be a lot of them in our school though! So a lot of positives from the meetings, which I'm thrilled about. It's good to see that things are moving forward for all of us. |
| Thought I'd do a couple shameless plugs here on my blog. I've written two more poems. I don't know how good they are (I'm quite dusty, I haven't stopped to actually take the time and think out a decent one in AGES. Having kids does that to you I suppose), but I thought I'd plug them here for anyone to read. It would be nice to get some feedback. Just a suggestion. You'll find both in my "New Ramblings"  folder.Here's #1-"Invalid Item" ...be very careful with this one. It's not exactly for younger eyes...but it's a true story, one I hate to admit actually happened. I was touched by a friend posting on facebook about a book called "Speak"...it hit me, so I wrote out what I felt. And here's #2-"Invalid Item" , which in itself is biographical as well, and explains how I feel and have been feeling for the last five years of my life. It's a long, winding road people. It really is.Anyway, that's my update for the day. I hope this will result me some looks at least. I appreciate it!! |
| I went into Journey's classroom, as her teacher suggested, to see firsthand Journey's behavior. She was a little off of paying attention to the teacher and the story, as well as the lesson, when they were on the carpet. One child was told to sit in the middle of the carpet, and Journey followed suit, even though she was not asked to move from her seat. She then began spinning around on her knees during story time, and lifting her shirt over her head during lesson time. She did, however, go straight to the teacher to get her two papers that she would need to complete for class time, when she was called. Though she seems off in her own little world at most times, doing her own things, it does seem as if she is getting something from the lessons and stories, even if she doesn't demonstrate it at first. Journey had trouble cutting out her rectangle puppet, but it wasn't for lack of trying. She has trouble with fine motor skills, such as holding a pair of scissors correctly and cutting out whatever needs cutting out, or being able to hold a pencil correctly and attempt to write her name. The paraeducator had to sit with her and help her attempt to cut out her puppet correctly, even though she mangled it when she first had the scissors in her little hands and they taped it back together. Journey tries to be independent, she really does. The second paper that was handed to her was to have drops of glue put on it, and glue down some dry beans and noodles. Journey started to get the hang of the pattern, noodle, bean, noodle, bean, noodle...and was doing rather well with it. She kept on task as best she could for that, and I give her all the credit in the world for her effort. I see that she's trying hard. I know she wants to please her teachers, and isn't being intentionally thick, but all of this is really hard for her. Surprisingly, Journey can read her name, and was able to find her clip that showed which center she was supposed to be in. I was blown away that she could read her name, as I've tried many times asking her after I've written it out for her who's name it was that was spelled on the paper, to which her reply was always something silly, like Kiki Maow, or Tinker Bell. I thought for sure she would never be able to recognize her own name, but she was able to read that clip with ease, and slide right into her center. I know for a fact that the reason she stayed in her center was because I was allowed to make contact with her, and stayed in the area with her. I'm quite right to assume that if I wasn't there with her that day, she would've wandered off from her center to go somewhere else. She was rewarded with m&ms at the end of the day for staying in her center. I was proud of her. I also suggested to her teachers that they tell her "It's time to go potty" at least twice a day, as if you ask Journey if she needs to go potty, she'll always say no. Her teachers agreed that they would do so for her every day. Before time was up in centers, I spoke with her teacher, who advised me of Journey's fine motor skills problems, about how she knows that she's trying as hard as she can, she sees it every day. She knows that Journey needs help, and a lot of one on one attention. "This is why," her teacher said, "I've set up a meeting for an IEP. We'll be holding it in October. You'll be getting a letter about it in the mail. You'll need to show up at the meeting, and we'll discuss her going to a language and speech pathologist to get evaluated, and see if we can't get her some one on one help for the skills she needs help with." I was thrilled at this news. The teacher has decided to call a plan of action for her, and we're getting her taken care of. I was beyond pleased. I was given the information before by a friend of mine that Journey would have to be diagnosed with something before they would discuss getting her help through the school, and at first I was very upset with this information. It seemed as though I would have to wait until around April or May to get a possible diagnosis, which would mean that most of her schooling would be over by then. The good news is, we're going to be able to get her help through the school before we have to wait to get a diagnosis. The diagnosis will be rewarding, as I've wanted to know what's going on with my daughter for a very long time now, but to know that her teacher is looking to get her the help she needs through the school before we get a diagnosis means everything to me. I'm so thrilled to see her getting taken care of, and all of this being taken seriously. Her teacher loves her, she thinks she's the sweetest little girl she's ever met. "She's so eager to please," she told me, "but I know she struggles a lot to try and get everything together. I want to get her help so she won't have to struggle so much." It felt great to hear those words coming from someone that has more power than I do to make things happen. To know we're both on the same page means a tremendous amount to me. |
| I've been writing every week's end to Journey's Pre-K teacher, as it's impossible to get any information out of Journey. Whenever I ask her what she did at school that day, her only answer is to reply that she ate her snack and drank her apple juice. It's not as if she's being intentionally stubborn and refusing to answer; quite the contrary. I'm sure if Journey COULD answer, she would. Her conversation skills are very limited. She has a lot of trouble being able to verbalize her wants, needs, and goings on. She's had this trouble since she could talk, and this is something that both Don and I knew going in. We had hoped going to school, being with peers, being around two teachers would help her learn better skills, but unfortunately that doesn't seem the case. On the contrary, she doesn't talk at ALL at school, unlike the fact that she talks more at home. Journey also seems to have trouble making eye contact, staying on the carpet with the other students, listening to story time or lessons, and has no idea about things like daily tasks or center time. Apparently, according to the teacher, she spends her time wandering freely around the classroom, off in her own little world, unaware of where she's supposed to be, or what she's supposed to be doing. They attempt to verbally re-direct her, and she'll answer back with "Yes", but she continues to just wander around, lost in her own world. This information, while not too startling to me, has upset me. It seems to bridge with what we've come to realize here at home. I've decided to write a list of Journey's "quirks" and present them, as well as the emails from her teacher, to my pediatrician, to see what he can come up with. A friend of ours has made a suggestion of a diagnosis, but I don't know for sure if we should go off that diagnosis or not. A friend of mine (whom I met through Ryan, as he's friends with the woman's youngest son at school) has also suggested the same thing as my first friend, and she would know, as her oldest son is special needs as well. Journey's teacher has asked me to come in to bear witness to Journey's behavior firsthand, but I'm not sure that I want to go into the classroom. I feel like I'd be spending the day correcting Journey, and trying to get her to listen to the teacher and follow directions. Although that would greatly help the teacher, it wouldn't help out the situation in the long term. If Journey finds that she can only listen and respond to me, then her being at school is pointless. The whole reason she's in school is to learn to trust and listen to other authority figures than myself and Don. I feel like if I was there to help her out, I would be undermining the authority of her teachers, and then Journey would come to depend on me to be in her classroom at all times in order to follow directions. I don't want that. She needs to learn how to be in school, focus and follow direction without me. This is exactly why we enrolled her in the Pre-K program to begin with. So here I sit, crying in frustration, with no answers, no diagnosis, and so many questions and scenarios in my head. I wish the school could give me more help than it has. I feel as though the job done over the summer by the Special Education board was poorly done, and has left us with very little that we can do until we see the developmental pediatrician in December. It seems that everything hinges on that one appointment, and even then I know that we're not going to get a diagnosis from him at that appointment. I'm for certain that we're going to have to come back at least two more times in order to get any answers we may be looking for. I will put on a brave face and continue though. It's the best I can do for Journey at this time...a time filled with so much uncertainty and questions. I wish there was more I could do for her. I feel so helpless right now, and it's tearing at me. |
| This is an entry that I wrote in another journal that I have. I thought it might be fitting here as well. Please excuse the lack of capitalization, when I write there, I'm less caring about what I capitalize than what I'm writing down at the time. The thoughts mean more to me than the proper writing does. It all still makes sense though! I hope it helps give some insight as to what's been going on these last few weeks. Sept. 06, 2010 - 2:02 PM thursday is the doctors appointment where we discuss if Journey could be mildly autistic or not. i'm not for sure that she is, but i know she's something. something is wrong, i know it. has been for awhile now. i'm glad dr. dhillon is listening to me when i tell him this. i hope he knows i wouldn't make any of this up. there is something up...i just wish i knew what it was. it's so strange, because when Journey was born, all i thought about was her hitting her milestones, and how she would grow and be. i imagined her so much differently than she actually is. and though i love her just the same, i still feel as though i didn't get what i thought i was getting. it's so much like that story that was told...welcome to holland story. i was anticipating italy, and i got holland instead. not that holland is bad, holland is just different than what i anticipated with italy. i anticipated her being like Ryan. so bright, so sharp, so full of wonder. i thought for sure we'd have another brilliant child. i was hoping for her to be just like me when i was little, so curious, so full of wit, so charismatic, smart and imaginative. and yet, she is but she's not. she is her own person. i love her for the person that she is. i wouldn't change anything about her, because then she just wouldn't be Journey. but why does it have to be so hard? she's going to have such a difficult time in school, especially if we can't get her help. she's going to need help, and i need them to see that. i'm sad that she's going to have to struggle and get help, because i wish it all just came easy to her the way it does with Ryan...but this is her path, and her life, and all i can do is be the best supportive advocate for my daughter that i can be. it's different. it's going to be hard at some points. i can already tell she's struggling in school, because she's reluctant to go each day. she still manages to bring herself to go, but she tells me every night these last few nights that she doesn't want to go back. i hate feeling like i'm forcing her, but she's in the program and she needs to go. they're going to try and help her as best they can, until we can get some sort of diagnosis on her to be able to tell the school system "this is what she has, she needs help". i hate that we have to pin her with something in order to get help, but unfortunately that's the way these things work sometimes. i tried just going through the school first to see if they could get her help without diagnosis, apparently they wouldn't listen to me. people have been telling me sorry a lot. sorry that my daughter is different, sorry that she's struggling. sorry that i'm not going to have an easy road with her the way i did with Ryan. though i'm sorry too, i don't feel sorry for myself. in fact, i look at it as an honor. to me, it's as if God sees me as a good parent, a responsible person, and knows Don and i and Ryan are a good home for a child with different needs. we're such a good, responsible, caring, loving family that we were given this special child to care for. not everyone can handle having a special child. some people are not well equipped to deal with such needs and difficulties, highs and lows. some people have their hands full with just regular children. we were picked especially for her. i'm honored. i am strong enough to be strong for her and me. i won't break down when she struggles. i'll never say "why me?". i'll always be there to back her up, and find whatever we can to help her. i will always be there for her. i will always support her. my job is to make sure she is taken care of in all possible ways, at school, at home, wherever. i can do that, because i'm strong. i'm responsible. i can handle the difficulties and the struggles. Don can help handle them with me, he's so supportive and so understanding. Ryan can help handle anything that's thrown at us, because he's so caring and so smart. i couldn't imagine a better bigger brother for Journey than Ryan. he's so patient and understanding with her. he never yells at her or berates her. he always plays the way she wants to play, and loves her regardless of what she is. we all do. that's what makes our family so strong. we love her so much, for everything she is, and we don't care what she's diagnosed as. the only reason i want a diagnosis is to know exactly what's wrong with her, and to get her the help she needs at school, otherwise it doesn't even matter. i'm grateful that her teachers are working with her. i know she's having a hard time right now, and i hope that once we get a diagnosis of some sort, we can get her more help through the school so she won't struggle so much. so while everyone else anticipates italy and gets ittaly, i'm glad i got holland. sure, it's definitely different...but different can be rewarding in so many ways. besides, i like windmills.  |
| I'm still having a hard time trying to wrap my mind around certain things. Knowing that Ryan is in 2nd grade is just blowing me away. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, vividly, so to know that he's in 2nd grade...it just seems so...old. I can't believe he's already in 2nd grade. I keep feeling like he should be younger, in 1st grade still, I'm not ready for him to be in 2nd grade. 2nd grade is so much older, I'm not ready for him to be that old yet. I'm having a hard time letting go of Journey too. I know I talked a big talk here on my blog, about how I was ready for her to go to school and be out of the house and with someone else who would give her rules and structure...but I'm so not. Today, I was dreading getting her ready. I kept saying to myself, "She doesn't need to go today, she can just stay home today". I don't know why I thought that, but that was my mindset, arguing with myself as I got her prepared for school. It's not like she's having a bad time either; quite the contrary, she loves it. She's having a great time at school and riding the bus. For some reason, I'm just having a hard time letting her go. Maybe it's because she's the baby of the family, maybe it's because I don't feel she's mentally mature enough yet, maybe I'm scared that she's not getting anything out if it, I don't know. All I know is, today, I wanted her to stay home with me. I hope this gets easier as the year goes on. I'd hate to be having a tough time with this all year. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
